Tag Archives: peds

Breaking News: Clayton Kershaw Suspended 80 Games For PED Use

clayton kershaw

by Tommy Gimler

LA’s road back to the Fall Classic just got a lot tougher.

Breaking News: Ryan Braun Busted For PEDs Again

ryan braun

by Tommy Gimler

Ryan Braun’s name has been scratched from Ron Roenicke’s lineup card for tonight’s game against the Atlanta Braves, and a source inside the Milwaukee Brewers organization told The Daily Upper Decker that Braun has also been suspended for the rest of the 2014 season after testing positive for Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), a testicular hormone usually found in high concentrations of horse semen.

DUD Commentary: Jhonny Peralta Gives Us 52 Million Reasons Why Every Aspiring Baseball Player Should Use PEDs

jhonny peralta

by Tommy Gimler

How’s this for a doping penalty? After making $5.5 million for a stellar 2012 season in which he hit .239 with 13 home runs and 63 RBI for Detroit, Jhonny Peralta earned a pro-rated $6 million last year when he was suspended 50 games for PED use. And finally, to show that PED use will not be tolerated in Major League Baseball, the St. Louis Cardinals signed him to a four-year, $52 million deal yesterday.

A DUD Editorial: The Ryan Braun Editorial Written By The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Editorial Board Is An Embarrassing Editorial

Ryan Braun suspended

by Tommy Gimler

It’s been two days since turd outfielder Ryan Braun was suspended for the remainder of the 2013 MLB season for his role in the Biogenesis scandal. And just like every major news story, every Tom, Dick, and Jesus has an opinion on it. And just like a backseat handy, some are better than others. But this pile of pig shit from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel‘s editorial board just might be the worst article we have ever seen from a major publication.

You’re A Piece Of Shit, Ryan Braun

ryan braun

by Tommy Gimler

The Hebrew Hammer just got nailed.

So Apparently It Wasn’t Just The Miracle Work Of His Lord Savior Jesus Christ

lewis

by Tommy Gimler

Is anybody really that shocked by the Sports Illustrated report of Ray Lewis taking a banned substance to speed up his recovery from a torn triceps muscle? It’s really the equivalent of me telling you that Dolly Parton’s tits are fake. The man tore his triceps muscle completely, and the fact that he was back on an NFL field less than three months after a complete tear was nothing short of a miracle, one that Lewis credited to his hard work and faith. It could have been that. Well, that and a shit ton of deer-antler spray that contains the banned substance IGF-1. Hallelujah!

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