Tag Archives: melky cabrera

How To Get Baseball Players To Stop Using PEDs

tony bosch

by Tommy Gimler

If there is anything for certain that we can take away from ESPN’s latest “PEDs in baseball” story relying solely on unnamed sources instead of known facts, it’s that Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch looks exactly like we thought he would. Look at this fucking guy:

Sports Illustrated Makes Jason Collins Out To Be Even More Gay, The Cardinals Put A Rihanna-Esque Beatdown On The Brewers, And Melky Cabrera Hits His First Home Run In Over 9 Months

jason collins gay

by Tommy Gimler

When an athlete reveals to the world that he is gay, it isn’t news. Or at least it shouldn’t be. But when a major sports publication takes the first male athlete from one of the major four sports to come out of the closet and inadvertently makes him out to be a “super gay,” well then, that’s something to talk about.

Hey Kids! Take PED’s And You’ll End Up Getting $16 Million

cheater

by Tommy Gimler

Here’s something that’s more disgusting than Steve Buscemi’s teeth. R.A. Dickey just won the National League Cy Young Award, and he is having trouble getting a reasonable offer from the New York Mets. Meanwhile, Melky Cabrera, recently reinstated following a 50-game suspension for PED use, inked a two-year, $16 deal north of the border.

Studs and DUDs of the Week

mariners

by Tommy Gimler

The Astros are the worst organization is professional sports, the Angels are only 4 games out of the AL West cellar, and while Ryan Dempster misplaced his passport, he still wasn’t as much of a dipshit as Melky Cabrera…

Mierda!

cabrera

by Tommy Gimler

On the same day that Miguel Cabrera hit his 30th home run to solidify himself as one of the best hitters in the game, Melky Cabrera received a 50-game suspension after testing positive for testosterone, ending his All-Star* season.

Studs and DUDs of the Week

sandoval

by Tommy Gimler

Johan Santana’s historical no-hitter costs a Mets fan $25,000, Pablo Sandoval’s chubby might have him in trouble, and Mark Reynolds swings and misses his way into the record books.

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