Tag Archives: marlins

Bryce Is Nice In Philly But Nationals Win NL East This Year, Bro

Philadelphia Phillies' Bryce Harper Workout

by Rakesh the Intern

Beating Marlins this year is going to be easier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah, bro.

The Miami Marlins Might Have Been The First To Report Muhammad Ali’s Death

muhammad ali dead

by Tommy Gimler

22,269 people who witnessed the Mets defeat the Marlins 6-2 at Marlins Park Friday night might also have been the first members of the general public to receive the news that boxing legend Muhammad Ali had passed away at the age of 74.

Evan Gattis Hit A Marlins “Fan” In His Cock And Balls Last Night

evan gattis

by Tommy Gimler

Lost somewhere between the benches clearing in last night’s Marlins/Braves game and the fact that people actually showed up to watch this game was the fact that Atlanta’s rookie sensation Evan Gattis put some stank on a Jose Fernandez fastball and watched as it cleared the left field wall and clobbered a young man in his pecker.

Chad Qualls Celebrates About As Well Stephen Hawking Talks

Chad Qualls Falls

by Tommy Gimler

It’s difficult to look at a fat ass like Chad Qualls and call him an athlete. Hell, that’s why every MLB team passed on his services except the Marlins. And his attempt to celebrate a strikeout via the Tiger Woods fist pump last night didn’t do his image any favors.

Here Are Some Mind Blowing Baseball Stats

mariano rivera

by Tommy Gimler

A friend of mine told me over the weekend that he couldn’t get into this year’s baseball season because there is nothing exciting to follow. Fuck him. There is plenty happening in MLB to keep you locked in through October, especially if you take a page out of our book and begin rooting for futility.

The Miami Heat Have Won More Games Than The Miami Marlins Since April 21st

Marlins

by Tommy Gimler

We’ve established hundreds of times now that it doesn’t get any more pathetic than Taylor Swift. Not even the Goo Goo Dolls, Jonas Brothers, or Chicago Cubs could dethrone that talentless cunt. But the Miami Marlins have been so pig shit awful since April 21st that they are coming dangerously close. In fact, they have been so bad that the Miami Heat have recorded more victories over that time period even though they have played in 14 less games.

Image Description