Tag Archives: cole hamels

Kudos To This Cubs Fan Who Actually Wrote An Apology Note After The Brewers Finished Ahead Of The Cubs

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by Tommy Gimler

Now if we can just get Cole Hamels to do the same thing, we might actually think of him as something other than a massive turd.

Fantasy Alert: Your Fake Team Is In The Fake Cellar Because Your Fake Pitching Blows

david price

by Tommy Gimler

Hello dorks. Were you that guy in this year’s fantasy baseball draft who loaded up on real teams’ aces and then couldn’t stop bragging about how you would hold the lead in wins, strikeouts, ERA, and WHIP from start to finish? Yeah, turns out the only thing you’ve been holding instead is a dick sandwich.

Baseball’s Biggest Busts

dodgers

by Tommy Gimler

Sure, it’s still early in the 2013 MLB season. But just like it’s never too early in the relationship to tell your girlfriend to lose two, three, or thirty pounds, it’s not too early to label these teams as anything other than absolute fucking failures.

DUD MLB Preview: Philadelphia Phillies

michael young

by Tommy Gimler

I’m flying nonstop from Miami to LA on American Airlines, a five-and-a-half hour trip, and the fucking airship doesn’t have an internet connection. How in the shit does an airline in America in 2013 not have an internet connection? Plus, the broad in front of me has her seat so far back in my lap that if she turned around, she’d know that I sprayed two squirts of cologne on my balls this morning, not one.

The Phillies’ Stinker of a Season is Almost Over

phillies

by Tommy Gimler

When Jimmy Rollins and his .248 batting average sit atop your statistical leader board, odds are you’re having a miserable season. That’s also what happens when every other player with an ounce of talent spends a significant amount of time on the DL.

Studs and DUDs of the Week

lincecum

by Tommy Gimler

The All-Star teams were announced, the Phillies are just awful, and as always, Logan Morrison is a goddamn idiot.

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