Tag Archives: brewers

A Backup Catcher Is Apparently The Real Life Roy Hobbs

knocks cover off ball

by Tommy Gimler

Unless you live in the Milwaukee or Pittsburgh metropolitan areas, odds are you weren’t tuned into the Brewers-Pirates game because you were busy doing anything else. But in the sixth inning of their 5-3 win, Brewers backup catcher Martin Maldonado reached first base after literally knocking the cover off the ball.

The Best Team in Baseball Is…Wait, The Brewers?

Milwaukee Brewers win nine in a row

by Frank Rhombus

If you would have told me two weeks ago that the Brewers would be the owners of baseball’s best record at 9-2 on April 12th after winning eight games in a row, I would have said you’re fucking high, dad. But that’s exactly what has happened in Milwaukee thanks to an offensive attack almost as fearful as the thought of Rosie O’Donnell on bath salts and a tits pitching staff that boasts the best ERA in baseball.

Breaking News: Ryan Braun Busted For PEDs Again

ryan braun

by Tommy Gimler

Ryan Braun’s name has been scratched from Ron Roenicke’s lineup card for tonight’s game against the Atlanta Braves, and a source inside the Milwaukee Brewers organization told The Daily Upper Decker that Braun has also been suspended for the rest of the 2014 season after testing positive for Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), a testicular hormone usually found in high concentrations of horse semen.

DUD MLB Preview: NL Central Projected Standings

Matt-Holliday-Ad

by Tommy Gimler

Quick. Without looking, name the three starting outfielders for the 2014 Chicago Cubs. Yeah, it’s that bad on the North Side.

Some Milwaukee Brewers Fans Are Apparently Growing Sick Of Hank The Dog

hank the dog

by Frank Rhombus

By now you’ve heard the story, even if you aren’t a Brewers fan. The Brew Crew arrived to their spring training facility at Maryvale Baseball Park, and they found a dog who had been hit by a car or some shit. They took him to a vet, named him Hank after the great Hank Aaron (and we bet Aaron’s thrilled about that), adopted him, and took turns nursing the little fucker back to health. He was then adopted by a Wisconsin family and blah, blah, blah. Who gives a shit? It’s just a goddamn dog.

You’re A Piece Of Shit, Ryan Braun

ryan braun

by Tommy Gimler

The Hebrew Hammer just got nailed.

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