Eddie Bagelstein’s Top Five Reasons the Broncos Are America’s Top Team

by Eddie Bagelstein As a hardened journalist, it’s important for me to be fair and unbiased. Just because I’m a lifelong Broncos fan doesn’t mean I’m going to post lies and propaganda in the hopes of having more people like my team… no, I take that back; I would if More »

College GameDay Signs Were Fucking Hysterical Today

by Frank Rhombus The Notre Dame-Florida State game tonight was just a like a set of big fake tits: awesome. And because it was the game of the week, ESPN’s College GameDay crew traveled to Tallahassee, which meant thousands of fans put their creativity and twisted minds on display through some of the More »

Rakesh Says This Is The Week To Take Home Mad Rupee Betting On Football, Bro

by Rakesh the Intern I’m telling you, bro. Last week was big kick in penis thanks to West Virginia hitting 55-yard field goal instead of going to overtime so over could hit. But like my Uncle Omkar used to say, “Rakesh, you can’t win them all, bro, but you can More »

Royals Fan Celebrates Making The World Series By Yelling “Fuck Her Right In The Pussy” During Live News Report

by Frank Rhombus Eli Rosenberg sounds like the Jewiest reporter west of the Mississippi, and he had the task of interviewing Royals fans outside of Kauffman Stadium as part of KMBC’s live coverage of Kansas City clinching their first World Series berth in 29 years. It didn’t go so well. More »

Hell Has Frozen Over

by Tommy Gimler Thank Christ I didn’t make a bet with my fat fuck brother-in-law that if manager/dipshit Ned Yost ever took a team to the World Series, he could sleep with my wife. Because right now, I’d have to sit outside my bedroom door like Jaime Lannister while listening More »

 

Some Bitch Stole This Veteran’s Prosthetic Leg At The Eagles Game Last Night

prosthetic leg stolen

by Frank Rhombus

Jesus fuck, man. What did she do for an encore, push a kid down a flight of stairs so she could get her paws on a two-dollar T-shirt that an Eagles ambassador threw into the stands?

Eddie Bagelstein’s Top Five Sports Bathroom Breaks

dog poops mid competition

by Eddie Bagelstein

I was getting ready to sit down and write this week’s story, and I was suddenly swept up with the overwhelming urge to defecate. Funny how the DUD has that effect on me.

DUD Investigation: Is A.C. Green Still a Virgin?

ac green virgin

by Eddie Bagelstein

For no apparent reason, I was wondering if A.C. Green ever got laid. I had no idea. I remembered he was a highly publicized virgin who had to fight off bitches galore, being not just a member of the Showtime Lakers but also one with a Jheri curl. But I had no memory of A.C. publicly getting laid. And I was concerned he might have finally imploded. So it seemed like a great opportunity for an Eddie Bagelstein Google Inquiry.

Rakesh’s Ass Is On Fire From Bad Taco Meat And Winning So Many Football Bets, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

I’m telling you, bro. After hitting five of six game last week, I didn’t think my ass could get more on fire, bro. But then I go to this Taco Bell near Daily Upper Decker headquarter, and I will beg to disagree now, bro. Something like six shits yesterday, my friend. But even though Rakesh has spent more time on crapper than at dinner table since Tuesday, that doesn’t mean he has not had time to make your bookie your bitch again this weekend, bro.

Fat Fuck Royals Fan Wants Handsome Man To Take Her Fat Ass To An ALCS Game

tammy

by Frank Rhombus

Craigslist is the best, man. I mean, where else can you read about a smart Asian kid’s missed connection with a belligerent local at a San Diego bar while at the same time scoring a sweet set of used tires for just under sixty bucks?

Baltimore Vs Kansas City: A Closer, More Disgusting Look

ghetto

by Tommy Gimler

Let’s be honest: The Orioles and Royals battling for a spot in the World Series was about as expected as the movie Ride Along making more than $130 million at the box office. Everybody else will be analyzing each team’s roster before making an educated guess as to who will represent the American League in the Fall Classic, so we decided to take a closer look at each city’s crime, unemployment, and STD rates before making our prediction. 

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