Robert Griffin III Got A Standing Ovation At A Luncheon Today

by Andy Ostroff Well, then Jay Gruden must not have been there. More »

Steelers Management Beyond Surprised By Roethlisberger’s Lack Of Off-Field Issues

submitted by DUD satirical Pittsburgh correspondent Tonto Kowalski Pittsburgh Steelers management today expressed absolute shock in the lack of off-field issues that franchise quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been involved with over the past year. More »

Here’s Pete Rose Betting On The Ponies At Mandalay Bay In The Middle Of The Day

by Tommy Gimler In his defense, that 4-6-1 trifecta box was a fucking lock! More »

Despite Having Arms Bigger Than Goliath’s Dick, Nick Mangold Instead Called 911 And Helped Stop A Jersey Crime Spree

by Andy Ostroff Very rarely do we hear a story about a professional athlete preventing a crime instead of committing one. More »

 

Matt Garza Is Quite The Sack Of Fuck This Year

matt-garza-sucks

by Tommy Gimler

At this point, the Milwaukee Brewers are better off sending out a bag of cow shit to the mound. I mean, at least it won’t groove an 86-MPH “fastball” down the middle for an opponent to hit 450 feet over the wall.

Here Is Your AFC West Preview, Bro

peyton manning old

by Rakesh the Intern

I’ll tell you what, bro. I am up in Williamsport, PA at this Little League World Series helping boss with work, and these local kids smell worse than cousin Anish, and he shit his pants like three times last week. And then the other three times he crap in street. Sad shit, bro.

IK Enemkpali Apparently Also Dabbles In Punching Trannies

ik enemkpali turd

by Frank Rhombus

Jesus Christ. This dude’s solution to anything that doesn’t go his way is beating the fuck out of somebody. You’ve been warned, Buffalo McDonald’s employees. If he says no Thousand Island dressing on his Big Mac, you best oblige or else you might be eating out of a straw for six to ten weeks.

College Football Coaches Sure Are Doing Some Stupid Shit To Fire Up Their Players This Year

holy cross football summerslam

by Tommy Gimler

Whatever happened to just grabbing your quarterback by his face mask and telling him that if he makes this touchdown pass to the back right corner of the end zone, then the entire Delta Sigma Theta house is probably going to fuck his brains out?

The Beer Mile Sounds Like A Running Event We Can Finally Get Behind…Maybe

beer-mile

by Andy Ostroff

Very rarely does the Daily Upper Decker cover a track and field event, unless of course a hurdler takes a discus to the testicles.

This Is What Happened When A Rugby Player Shoved His Own Face Into An Opponent’s Dick

Holden Cup rugby fight

by Frank Rhombus

I mean, for fuck’s sake. At that point of the match, that dude’s crotch had to smell like a cross between the foot of a guy who just ran a marathon and poorly wiped ass, so why he decided to shove his face into it is anybody’s guess, and the fact that he was the recipient of four or five closed fists was the least of what should have happened to him.

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