Four White Guys And An Egyptian Walk Onto A Basketball Court

by Frank Rhombus Odds are you didn’t catch last night’s Louisville-Savannah State college basketball game because it’s November, and that means college basketball matters about as much as a Jonas Brother. But after the Cardinals curb stomped the Tigers by 61 points, Louisville head coach Rick Pitino gave us one of More »

After Making The Catch Of The Year, Odell Beckham Jr. Can Also Plow My Sister

by Tommy Gimler The Dallas Cowboys beat the New York Giants in the shithole most people call New Jersey Sunday night, but who gives a shit? The real story was New York’s Odell Beckham Jr. using just three fingers on his big right paw to make what was easily the catch More »

New DUD Poll: Which One Of These Stud Athletes Would You Let Plow Your Sister?

by Tommy Gimler Clayton Kershaw and Mike Trout were recently named Major League Baseball’s MVPs. Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL. Patrick Kane is the craziest player in the NHL, like crazy awesome. And Antonio Brown is having a hell of a year. So, we ask you, More »

Eddie Bagelstein’s Top 5 Dopest NFL Names Of All Time

by Eddie Bagelstein Marshawn Lynch. That’s the first time I’ve ever written his name, and I got it right. It’s surprisingly phonetic. More »

Mike Golic Loses Bet And Has To Recreate Kim Kardashian Oiled-Up Poop Chute Magazine Cover

by Tommy Gimler Check it out, kids. ESPN finally did something that doesn’t suck. More »

 

The Bills And Jets Should Do Us All A Favor And Not Play At All

NFL: Buffalo Bills-Winter Storm Scenes

by Frank Rhombus

Fuck postponing this game or moving it to some other shithole in the Northeast. The Bills and Jets should just refrain from playing Sunday’s game, so we can all spend the rest of our NFL weekend living like Charlie Sheen: WINNING!

This Is The Week To Bet Against Kansas City And Make Bookie Your Bitch, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Listen, bro. This goddamn Chiefs team is really cutting into the Rupee I have stashed to side for Christmas presents this year, my friend. They have now cover spread for like nine straight games, boss. But even though shit from pig Raiders team is their next opponent, now is not the time to jump boat, bro. Rakesh say load and lock up on the Raiders with the points, my friend.

The Adam Feuerberg Semi-Annual Report On Two Teams The Rest Of Us Couldn’t Give Two Shits About

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by Adam Feuerberg

So yes, I know that I’ve been the absolute worst about sitting down and writing again. I know that at the beginning of the season, I promised that I’d return with all my passion and fury that you come to expect from a pissed off Cowboys fan. Then, suddenly, the Cowboys ended up tied for 1st place after 11 weeks. I know that for some silly reason, they’re listed as 2nd in spite of having the same 7-3 record as the Eagles, but the two teams haven’t even played yet so who cares? Tied for 1st baby!

It’s Official: Michelle Ulibarri Is The Sexiest Woman At The DUD

michelle ulibarri

by Tommy Gimler

We asked you to vote for the sexiest piece of eye candy at the DUD, and you have spoken quite loudly. It appears that Michelle Ulibarri m-m-m-m-makes us all very happy.

Remember Before Geno Smith When Jets Fans Thought Mark Sanchez Was the Worst QB Ever?

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by Eddie Bagelstein

Watching Mark Sanchez’s Panther-stomping the other night, and hearing all that praise for the kicked-to-the-curb former Jet, I couldn’t help but wonder how many Jets fans were wishing they hadn’t hoped Sanchez would get kicked to the curb in the first place.

Jose Canseco and the Galactic Beings

canseco

by Adam Pockross

What’s not to love about Jose Canseco’s Twitter presence? While most former ballplayers either fade away into obscurity, upper management, or the MLB Network, the former Bash Brother has stayed relevant by owning one of the foremost social media platforms around.

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