Jack White Is Probably The Scariest Looking Baseball Fan Of All-Time

by Tommy Gimler Maybe if he wasn’t following such a dog shit team like the Cubs, Jack White would be just a tad on the happier side. More »

Cliff Lee Farted At The End Of His Interview Last Night

by Tommy Gimler Baseball players and managers farting during postgame interviews is becoming almost as common as an East Coast frat house rape. The latest to join the trend was Philadelphia’s Cliff Lee, who blew ass on Comcast Sportsnet after answering several questions pertaining to his shittiness last night. More »

Johnny Football Has The NFL’s #1 Selling Jersey

by Tommy Gimler But before Cleveland fans celebrate by injecting each other with heroin tonight, we should remind you that Tim Tebow once held that honor as well. More »

Apparently Howard Stern’s Ass Brought Down Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17

by Frank Rhombus Wow. If you spent the last three years racking up miles to become an Enrich Platinum member on Malaysia Airlines, you might want to start finding out if you can transfer those miles to an airline whose planes actually land. More »

Breaking Down Just How Pig Shit Awful Dan Uggla Really Was

by Tommy Gimler Despite his Lou Ferrigno biceps and Cee-Lo Green neck, Dan Uggla was released by the Atlanta Braves yesterday, meaning Uggla is going to make almost $20 million through the end of the 2015 season for doing absolutely nothing. Then again, that pretty much sums up what he’s been More »

 

Maybe This Is Also Why The Texas Rangers Suck

derek holland

by Tommy Gimler

We’ve said before that the injury bug hit the Texas Rangers harder this year than an eight-year-old Chinese kid who fucked up a pair of sneakers. But after reading what Derek Holland told a Dallas radio station yesterday, maybe there’s another reason why the Rangers’ 2014 season can be classified as pure dog shit.

Just Another Reason Why Catching A Home Run Ball Isn’t That Important

giancarlo stanton home run hand

by Tommy Gimler

Believe it or not, this guy did not just get done fingering Grimace.

Joe Nichols Sang ‘God Bless America’ Like Pure Dog Shit At The MLB All-Star Game

Joe Nichols

by Tommy Gimler

The house I’m staying at in Milwaukee tonight doesn’t have basic cable, so I decided to take in some MLB All-Star action on FOX instead of watching the local news report on another North Side murder.

Welcome To The Worst Week Of Sports

griner

by Tommy Gimler

If your marriage blows, now is the perfect time to take your fat wife on a Caribbean cruise to show her that you still care about her and her gunt. That’s because with no real MLB games slated until Friday, we are in the midst of the annual worst week of American sports.

So, Greg Maddux Used To Piss On Rookies In The Shower

greg maddux

by Tommy Gimler

Lost somewhere between the pictures of Prince Fielder’s fat naked ass and Venus Williams covering up her nips in ESPN The Magazine’s “Body Issue” this year was a little diddy written by David Fleming about St. Louis Rams rookie and admitted homosexual Michael Sam having to take showers in an NFL locker room. There were two big takeaways from the article. First, even straight NFL players look at each other’s cocks in the showers. It’s called meat peeping. And second, Greg Maddux used to pee on rookies in the shower. Yes, that Greg Maddux.

What If MLB All-Star Game Starters Were Based Solely On WAR?

troy-tulowitzki

by Tommy Gimler

Let’s be honest. Using sabermetrics to determine how good MLB players are these days is almost as trendy as an East Coast frat house rape, and WAR (Wins Above Replacement) is usually deemed as the most useful of said metrics. So, we’re going to temporarily transform into Brian Fucking Kennys and use WAR to see who would be starting the All-Star Game if for some stupid reason that was the only stat that was used to determine them.

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