Justin Verlander Being ‘Too Exhausted’ To Hump Kate Upton After A Game Is Another Sign The End Is Near

by Tommy Gimler It’s like having a lifetime all-you-can-eat pass at Morton’s but paying to eat at Sizzler four nights a week: insanity. More »

You Really Have To Feel For This Poor Bastard From Venezuela Who Tried Competitive Skiing On Snow For The First Time

by Tommy Gimler Trying to learn how to ski in Venezuela is like trying to become a professional surfer while you’re growing up in Wisconsin: A really bad idea. More »

Hi, I’m Colby Rasmus And I Look Like This On Purpose

by Tommy Gimler If you were to tell us that Tampa Bay Rays outfielder is now celibate, we’d have no choice but to believe you. More »

Vlade Divac Really Shoved It Up Kings Fans’ Peeholes When He Said He Passed Up A Better Offer For DeMarcus Cousins

by Frank Rhombus Of course, any deal other than the one the Kings accepted from New Orleans would likely fall under the “better” category. I mean, was there no way to throw in an Anthony Davis used condom? More »

Who Owns The Most Unfortunate Name In Sports History?

by Tommy Gimler Having to walk around with a name like Brock Osweiler must be pretty damn awful, but it’s nowhere near as bad as some of these other poor bastards. More »

 

This Week’s Take 5

nick swisher retires

by Kinner Shah

A quick look at the five sports stories from this week that really mattered.

Our Sponsor Flag & Anthem Is Giving You 20 Percent Off Your First Purchase Of Their Bitchin’ Clothes

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by Tommy Gimler

I’ll be honest: I put on one of their shirts last night, and my wife said it was the first time this year that she thought I was attractive.

Nature’s Bakery Finally Realizes $15 Million A Year For Somebody Who Sucks Is A Bad Idea, Ends Danica Patrick Sponsorship

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by The Doug

Danica Patrick lost her NASCAR sponsorship with Nature’s Bakery.

Slowest Sports Week Ever Continues With This Hockey Highlight From An Erie Otters Game

dylan strome stolen stick goal

by Tommy Gimler

Sure, Darrelle Revis got slapped with four felony charges ranging from assault to robbery as well as a misdemeanor charge of making terroristic threats, but odds are he’s got enough money to turn that into community service.

These Idiots On Twitter Think Ravens Radio Guy Gerry Sandusky Is The Guy Who Molested Kids

gerry sandusky twitter

by Tommy Gimler

‘Merica!

Golfer Nails 101-Yard Shot To Force Playoff And Eventually Win Tournament

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by Tommy Gimler

Odds are you best recognize Ethan Tracy from the phrase, “Who in the hell is Ethan Tracy?”

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