Give Any Upton Brother Millions Of Dollars And They’ll Give You A Dick Sandwich

by Tommy Gimler The 2016 MLB season might be younger than the kid who makes my boxer briefs, but it looks as though another Upton brother is showing the world he is nothing more than an overpaid pile of dog shit. More »

It’s That Time Of Year Again When We Get To See How Big Of A Bag Of Shit Mel Kiper Is

by Tommy Gimler There is one reason – and one reason only – why I dish out a few bucks a month to be an ESPN Insider, and that’s to prove to our six or seven readers every year that Mel Kiper gets paid at least six figures a year More »

One Guy Was More Excited About Robinson Cano’s Grand Slam Than Everybody Else

by Frank Rhombus It looked like it was a real sausagefest at “The ‘Pen” inside Safeco Field last night, so if this guy would’ve wanted to celebrate with two actual dicks, it probably would’ve been doable. More »

Tigers Outfielder Tyler Collins Gave Detroit Fans The Finger After He ‘Lost A Ball In The Sky’

by Tommy Gimler If you’re friends with Tyler Collins, you might want to show him how to use a jackhammer. More »

MLB Players And Their Game Of Thrones Counterparts

by Tommy Gimler This will probably be the only time in his life that Albert Pujols is known as the “Red Woman.” More »

This Reporter Who Tried To Get Draymond Green To Say Something Stupid About The Houston Floods Can Eat A Bag Of Dicks

by Frank Rhombus At least eight people have died and thousands more have lost their homes from severe flooding in Houston over the last week or so, and that apparently “inspired” some asshole international reporter to try to get Golden State’s Draymond Green to say something stupid about it. More »

This Is The Only Time In Your Life You Will Ever See A 9-3-2-6-2-5 Triple Play, So Cherish This Shit

by Frank Rhombus Odds are you missed the Rangers-White Sox game last night because you were busy doing anything else, but something happened for the first time in the history of a game that predates the Civil War. More »

 

This Is The Only Time In Your Life You Will Ever See A 9-3-2-6-2-5 Triple Play, So Cherish This Shit

white sox triple play

by Frank Rhombus

Odds are you missed the Rangers-White Sox game last night because you were busy doing anything else, but something happened for the first time in the history of a game that predates the Civil War.

Thursday Night Was About As Good As It Gets For A Sports Night

jake arrieta no hitter

by Tommy Gimler

If you’re not a fan of double-overtime winners on the ice, no-hitters, or game-winning shots with time winding down in playoff basketball games, well, then you can just go fuck yourself.

Star Canadian High School Basketball Player Turns Out To Be 30-Year-Old African Man

30 year old high school player

by Frank Rhombus

Oh, so that‘s why he was shaving twice a day.

Banning ‘Try Not To Suck’ Shirts At Busch Stadium Is Yet Another Reason Why The Cardinals Can Eat A Dick

try not to suck

by Tommy Gimler

The pussification of America continues.

When Drew Rosenhaus Drops You As A Client, You’re Done

manziel at coachella

by Frank Rhombus

Cam Newton was named the NFL MVP and made it all the way to Super Bowl 50 before succumbing to Peyton Manning’s old balls earlier this year, but you didn’t see him dancing like a Kansas City queer in a pit of colored balls at Coachella over the weekend.

If You’re Wondering If Jon Lester Can Throw To First Base, The Answer Is Still No

jon lester

by Frank Rhombus

Remember last year’s media circus surrounding the notion that Jon Lester couldn’t throw the ball over to first base?

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