10 Things We Know After Week 4 Of The NFL

by Tommy Gimler We’re not sure who is having more difficulty these days. Is it Jay Cutler beating the Green Bay Packers or Melissa McCarthy not eating for ten minutes? More »

Putting Our Money Where Our Mouths Are. Well, Other Than In Your Mom’s Box, Of Course

by Tommy Gimler The 2014 MLB postseason begins Tuesday night when the Royals host a playoff game for the first time since the middle of the Reagan administration. We didn’t have them amounting to jack shit this year, mainly because manager Ned Yost is a worthless turd. But outside of More »

Eddie Bagelstein’s Top Five Kiss Cam Moments

by Eddie Bagelstien I’m not afraid to admit it: I love love, so much so, that if it weren’t for this terribly burdensome Judaism I suffer from, Love would most certainly be my religion. Because I’m such a lover, and because there are no commandments against it, I obviously love More »

Eddie Bagelstein’s Top Five Most Boneheaded Sports Injuries

by Eddie Bagelstein Is there anything more enjoyable than laughing at another man’s pain when the root cause of such hurting is his own, thick-skulled idiocy? Perhaps sex with two hookers at once, when the red head is paid dearly to keep her lips on your balls the entire time. More »

Bookie Will Be Begging You For Mercy After You Hit These American Football Bets, Bro

by Rakesh the Intern I’ll tell you what, bro. Rakesh hit so many bets last weekend that bookie call me up and say, “Hey Rakesh, how about I let you fuck my wife instead of paying you Rupee?” But I will tell you something, my friend, I collect Rupee anyway because More »

 

Adam Feuerberg’s Weekly Report On Two Teams Nobody Else Gives Two Shits About

jerry jones

by Adam Feuerberg

Okay I know I missed last week’s edition. The truth is that I didn’t exactly know how to express my elation over the Hurricanes and Cowboys both winning in the same weekend that the entire sports world’s opinion of Adrian Peterson went right into the shitter. I didn’t really know how to joke about not being able to bitch and moan about my crappy teams usually pissing me off because the story broke that the NFL and the Baltimore Ravens may have conspired to hide evidence of Ray Rice haymakering his future wife in an elevator.

No Team Has More White Folk Playing For Them Than The Philadelphia Eagles

riley cooper

by Frank Rhombus

Riley Cooper has to be absolutely thrilled about that.

10 Things We Know After Week 3 Of The NFL

fat browns fan

by Tommy Gimler

After getting curb stomped by the Seahawks and sneaking past the Jets thanks to Marty Mornhinweg’s stupid ass, it looks like the Green Bay Packers might be in more trouble than Lindsay Lohan at an open bar wedding…

Eddie Bagelstein’s Top Five Women I’d Hate To Meet in a Dark Alley After I’ve Been Making Too Many Domestic Abuse Jokes

rousey

by Eddie Bagelstein

God spoke to me last night. He said, “Eddie, why are you such a prick? Why do you keep making jokes about women getting abused? It’s not funny Eddie.” To which I replied, “You know this is a pseudonym, right?”

Eddie Bagelstein’s Top Five Wife Beater Songs

rihanna

by Eddie Bagelstein

CBS recently pulled Rihanna’s song from its Thursday night pre-game, assumedly because Ray Rice popped his wife and Rihanna’s popped-mug singing pop songs would bring all those painful memories back.

Betting On Football Is Easier Than My Ex-Girlfriend Akansh, And She Was Biggest Slut In Howrah, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

What did I tell you last week, bro? Why make money washing your grandpa’s nut sack when you can sit home with cigar and hooker poon while winning Rupee betting on American football. And if you thought last weekend was easy, wait until you see this weekend’s games, my friend. They are easier than my ex-girlfreind Akansh, and she was like biggest slut in Howrah, bro…

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