Category Archives: Crap

The Fuck Show That Is The Chicago Bears

cutler sucks

by Frank Rhombus

Forget the shit hitting the fan. It’s more like an entire truck full of used colostomy bags took out a windmill somewhere in Chicago, as Jay Cutler has been benched in favor of Jimmy Clausen for this Sunday’s game against the NFC North-leading Detroit Lions.

Bernie Kosar Said The Browns Front Office Makes Him Want To Puke, So We’ll Remind Everybody That His Daughter Is A Porn Star

lexxi silver bernie kosar

by Tommy Gimler

We’re not sure if it’s because of the concussions or the silos of Pabst, but Bernie Kosar is good for saying something that creates a headline at least once a year. And when he does, we like to take the time to remind everybody that his daughter is a porn star named Lexxi Silver.

Worst Fantasy Week Ever


by Tommy Gimler

You wanted a trip to your fake football championship. You got Melissa McCarthy jamming a dozen Lincoln Logs into her hump hole instead. Or basically for dorks everywhere, it was a goddamn nightmare.

Eddie Bagelstein’s Top 5 Biggest Pimps In The NFL

von miller pimping

by Eddie Bagelstein

When I was working at Yahoo! Movies, before I moved to Seattle to be bombarded with rain and weirdness, I learned an interesting tidbit from one of the senior editors over there. While trying to get us to come up with completely original, never-before-seen content, we should Google every idea we have first to see if someone already did it. I immediately asked him if he wouldn’t rather us use Yahoo! Search. He said, “No. I’d like to actually get results.”

Tom Brady Is An UGG-Wearing Bitch


by Eddie Bagelstein

Like most rational, non-Massholian folks, I hate Tom Brady even more because he wears UGGs. What kind of self respecting three-time Super Bowl champion wears UGGs? Do you see Bradshaw, Montana, or Aikman wearing bear feet?

If You Win Football Bets With Rakesh This Week, You Will Be Able To Give Hooker Pearl Necklace And Buy Wife Real One, Bro


by Rakesh the Intern

Check it out, bro. Another winning week in the world of betting on the silly game of American football, bro. I’m telling you, boss, Rakesh is hotter than two girlies eating fried goat out of each other’s anus, my friend. You might want to start doing something about it, bro.

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