Category Archives: Crap

Rakesh Says This Is The Week To Take Home Mad Rupee Betting On Football, Bro


by Rakesh the Intern

I’m telling you, bro. Last week was big kick in penis thanks to West Virginia hitting 55-yard field goal instead of going to overtime so over could hit. But like my Uncle Omkar used to say, “Rakesh, you can’t win them all, bro, but you can always hit your wife.” He’s in jail now for beating Aunt Tanvi, my friend. Sick fuck, bro.

Royals Fan Celebrates Making The World Series By Yelling “Fuck Her Right In The Pussy” During Live News Report

royals fuck her right in the pussy

by Frank Rhombus

Eli Rosenberg sounds like the Jewiest reporter west of the Mississippi, and he had the task of interviewing Royals fans outside of Kauffman Stadium as part of KMBC’s live coverage of Kansas City clinching their first World Series berth in 29 years. It didn’t go so well.

Some Bitch Stole This Veteran’s Prosthetic Leg At The Eagles Game Last Night

prosthetic leg stolen

by Frank Rhombus

Jesus fuck, man. What did she do for an encore, push a kid down a flight of stairs so she could get her paws on a two-dollar T-shirt that an Eagles ambassador threw into the stands?

Eddie Bagelstein’s Top Five Sports Bathroom Breaks

dog poops mid competition

by Eddie Bagelstein

I was getting ready to sit down and write this week’s story, and I was suddenly swept up with the overwhelming urge to defecate. Funny how the DUD has that effect on me.

DUD Investigation: Is A.C. Green Still a Virgin?

ac green virgin

by Eddie Bagelstein

For no apparent reason, I was wondering if A.C. Green ever got laid. I had no idea. I remembered he was a highly publicized virgin who had to fight off bitches galore, being not just a member of the Showtime Lakers but also one with a Jheri curl. But I had no memory of A.C. publicly getting laid. And I was concerned he might have finally imploded. So it seemed like a great opportunity for an Eddie Bagelstein Google Inquiry.

Rakesh’s Ass Is On Fire From Bad Taco Meat And Winning So Many Football Bets, Bro


by Rakesh the Intern

I’m telling you, bro. After hitting five of six game last week, I didn’t think my ass could get more on fire, bro. But then I go to this Taco Bell near Daily Upper Decker headquarter, and I will beg to disagree now, bro. Something like six shits yesterday, my friend. But even though Rakesh has spent more time on crapper than at dinner table since Tuesday, that doesn’t mean he has not had time to make your bookie your bitch again this weekend, bro.

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