Category Archives: Arizona Cardinals

John Brown And Bruce Arians Had The Perfect Responses For Fantasy Dorks Who Think They Give A Shit About Their Fake Football Teams

bruce arians tough shit

by Tommy Gimler

Sorry, GM of “Forsett Down Her Throat.” They don’t give a fuck about you or your fantasies.

Here Is How The NFC West Will Finish, Bro

NFL: NFC Championship-San Francisco 49ers at Seattle Seahawks

by Rakesh the Intern

Check it out, bro. The best division in football will beat piss out of each other this year harder than Uncle Omkar used to beat Aunt Tanvi. Good thing is that Omkar is now in prison, just like most of 49ers players, bro.

Jonathan Dwyer Getting Arrested For Domestic Abuse Means You’re Probably Abusing The Shit Out Of Your Opponents In Your Athletes Getting Arrested Fantasy League

jonathan dwyer arrested

by Frank Rhombus

I believe it was Harry Dunne who uttered the phrase “Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this…and totally dick yourself out of a career in professional football.”

2014 NFC West Preview

russell wilson sb champ

by Tommy Gimler

You heard it here first, you hookers. With the Super Bowl at Pink Taco University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale this year, the Arizona Cardinals are going to be pure dog shit. We’re not sure how that’s going to happen yet, but somehow the team that hosts the Super Bowl is always a big bag of shit that year.

Load And Lock Up On These 2014 NFC Over/Under Win Totals, Bro

Carson-Palmer

by Rakesh the Intern

I’ll tell you what, bro. I am loving the numbers that the boys in Vegas have lay out for this year’s American football win total. I place eight bet already this year with my cousin Manesh, who is also biggest bookie in Howrah, my friend.

Investing Stock In Athletes, Hey? You’ll Want To Stay Away From These Clowns

arian foster

by Tommy Gimler

Just when your fat ass thought the marketing and branding of professional athletes had finally hit its peak, the folks at Fantex Holdings come along and take it to a whole new level, offering stock in athletes in which the value depends solely on their economic success. Sign a huge contract? Cha-ching. Get a deal with Coca-Cola? Straight cash, homey. Get busted for masturbating in front of a girl after you ask to borrow her pen? Uh oh.

Image Description