by Tommy Gimler
We’re not here to say we told you so, but when a grown man changes his name to Chad Ochocinco to compliment his set of gold chompers, he’s got fucking problems. And if you used that same rationale during your Former Athletes Getting Arrested (FAGA) fantasy draft, then it’s time to celebrate because when Chad Johnson missed a meeting with his probation officer last week, you didn’t miss out on cashing in on this turd. (more…)
by Tommy Gimler and Jeff Nelson
It takes a pretty extraordinary circumstance to broadcast the arrest of a little-known NFL player in the midst of the media cash cow known as the NFL Draft. But, Groves was recently thrown in the ol’ cop cruiser for allegedly attempting to solicit sexually related services. The plot thickens when you learn that he apparently did so over the phone to an undercover cop. (more…)
by Tommy Gimler
ESPN is giving you yet another reason to locate the mute button on your remote. Now that he has played his last NFL game, Ray Lewis will be joining the four-letter as an analyst, meaning he’ll instantly become the second most unintelligible former player on your television next to Shannon Sharpe. But now that the most annoying player in American professional sports has called it quits, who is out there to take the crown from Lewis? Well, not take. They’ll have to ask nicely so he doesn’t stab them. Anyway, The DUD is here to break that down. (more…)
by Tommy Gimler
In what is becoming almost as big of a trend in the NFL as driving while intoxicated, slightly above-average quarterbacks are telling the football world that they are much better than that, even going as far as calling themselves elite, and then proving they actually are with a Super Bowl victory. Last year it was Eli Manning. This year, Joe Flacco. So, who’s next? Here’s a hint: Since we’re talking about slightly above-average quarterbacks, it’s not Mark Sanchez because he is just terrible. (more…)
by Rakesh The Intern
Check it out, bro. I still do unpaid internship at this American sports blog, but my boss say, “Hey, Rakesh. If you can beat every one of our readers on our Super Bowl Prop Sheet, then you get fifty bucks. But whoever get high score, they win fifty bucks.” Since last time I got fifty bucks I had to eat fourteen testicles from elephant with Downs, I say no problem, bro. (more…)
by Tommy Gimler
From what we’ve read online and watched on television this week, Super Bowl XLVII should be tighter than Lolo Jones’ fish mitten. So before I’m placing any bets on the big game, I’m looking for any edge I can get. I decided that whichever team fights the hardest and does whatever it takes to get what they want despite the consequences that will follow, that’s the team that will be victorious. And to determine which team will do that, I turned to each roster’s arrest records. And let’s just say that if these two teams were to put their arrest records up against each other tomorrow, the game would be more lopsided than Tara Reid’s fake fun bags. (more…)
{ Yup, as long as those people aren't made of meat... } – May 22, 9:46 AM
{ Prince Fielder will down that many Cuban pastries and the person who ate them; in one sitting of course..... } – May 22, 1:41 AM { You're a silly little cunt hair, Mr. Santos... } – May 20, 6:03 PM { The Bills don't suck because they run a simple west coast offense, they suck because they draft players like E J Manuel in the first... } – May 20, 10:30 AM
{ Suck on a cheese curd, EJ is gonna dissapoint you like you dissapointed your wifes parents when you married her and light it up this... } – May 19, 10:49 PM
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