Category Archives: NFL
by Tommy Gimler
The Dallas Cowboys beat the New York Giants in the shithole most people call New Jersey Sunday night, but who gives a shit? The real story was New York’s Odell Beckham Jr. using just three fingers on his big right paw to make what was easily the catch of the year.
by Adam Pockross
60 seconds, motherfuckers. Just hang on for 60 fucking ticks. Christ, this is dick-sandwich time.
by Eddie Bagelstein
Marshawn Lynch. That’s the first time I’ve ever written his name, and I got it right. It’s surprisingly phonetic.
by Frank Rhombus
Fuck postponing this game or moving it to some other shithole in the Northeast. The Bills and Jets should just refrain from playing Sunday’s game, so we can all spend the rest of our NFL weekend living like Charlie Sheen: WINNING!
by Rakesh the Intern
Listen, bro. This goddamn Chiefs team is really cutting into the Rupee I have stashed to side for Christmas presents this year, my friend. They have now cover spread for like nine straight games, boss. But even though shit from pig Raiders team is their next opponent, now is not the time to jump boat, bro. Rakesh say load and lock up on the Raiders with the points, my friend.
by Adam Feuerberg
So yes, I know that I’ve been the absolute worst about sitting down and writing again. I know that at the beginning of the season, I promised that I’d return with all my passion and fury that you come to expect from a pissed off Cowboys fan. Then, suddenly, the Cowboys ended up tied for 1st place after 11 weeks. I know that for some silly reason, they’re listed as 2nd in spite of having the same 7-3 record as the Eagles, but the two teams haven’t even played yet so who cares? Tied for 1st baby!