Category Archives: Philadelphia 76ers

Dikembe Mutombo Proved Once Again Last Night That Everything In The NBA Is More Fixed Than My Wife’s Purse Dog


by Frank Rhombus

There are now three things we know about former NBA center Dikembe Mutombo: He sounds like Grover fucked Doctor Claw, he used to walk into clubs near Georgetown and yell, “Who wants to sex Mutombo?”, and he knew that the 76ers won the NBA Draft Lottery about four hours before everybody else did last night.

Just When You Thought It Couldn’t Get Any Worse For The 76ers

76ers Nuggets buzzer beater

by Frank Rhombus

Jesus Christ. Who does Joel Embiid have to blow for the Sixers to reach double digits in the win column this year?

This Papa John’s Promotion Perfectly Illustrates How Pathetic The Philadelphia 76ers Are This Year

sad 76ers fan

by Tommy Gimler

It’s not like the 76ers needed an embarrassing Papa John’s promotion to illustrate how pig shit awful they are, but it sure as shit won’t be boosting team morale any time soon.

It Looks Like Joel Embiid And His Shitty Foot Are Going To Miss This Season Too

Philadelphia 76ers V Boston Celtics

by Frank Rhombus

We have good and bad news for Philadelphia sports fans. The good news is that it looks as though the Phillies aren’t going to be the most pathetic sports franchise in America this year. The bad news is that it’s probably going to be the 76ers.

A Bum Has Licked My Asshole More Times Than The 76ers Have Posted A ‘W’ In The Last Two Months

76ers losing streak

by Frank Rhombus

The Philadelphia 76ers were curb stomped by the Houston Rockets tonight to the tune of 120-98, tying an NBA record in the process by losing their 26th consecutive game. Being a 76ers fan right now has to be about as enjoyable as the time I shit out a roll of quarters in college after a dare. Hey, they said I could keep the money if I did it, but the most troubling part of that episode was that when it was all said and done, I only made $9.25 that night.

Signs Your Franchise, Just Like Corey Feldman, Has Hit Rock Bottom

corey feldman

by Tommy Gimler

Corey Feldman hasn’t been relevant since Reagan was in office. Well, except for the day that Corey Haim died. That’s when for just a couple of seconds you looked at the guy in the cube next to you and asked, “Whatever happened to that other fucking loser, Corey Feldman?” Other than that, Feldman’s appeared in a few reality television shows and outside the 7-Eleven on Fairfax begging for meth. That’s what we call rock bottom, and that’s where these sports franchises currently find themselves.

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