Category Archives: Colorado Rockies

2016 NL West Preview

zack greinke dbacks

by Rakesh the Intern

Our apologies to Dodgers fans, bro, as we’re going to write this preview in English, my friend.

2015 NL West Preview

new padres

by Tommy Gimler

The good news for Padres fans is that they just landed baseball’s best closer in Craig Kimbrel. The bad news is that they also just landed baseball’s worst player in Melvin Upton, Jr.

The Top 5 MLB First Half Fantasy DUDs

harper thumb injury

by Tommy Gimler

Matthew Berry and Eric Karabell are huge fucking dorks at the four-letter, and they told you to draft these guys before the 2014 MLB season started. But odds are if you still have these turds on your fantasy baseball team, you’re almost as far away from winning a championship as Danica Patrick is from winning a race on American soil.

The Funniest First Half Breakdown For All 30 MLB Teams

brewers walk off

by Tommy Gimler

Brewers and Athletics fans probably have permaboners, as their respective teams have been hotter than Kate Upton and Imogen Thomas bumping hump holes. Meanwhile, if the old fucks in St. Petersburg nursing homes haven’t had a chance to catch any Tampa Bay Rays games yet, they should just take a look in their diapers to see what their team has been playing like.

It’s Official: Troy Tulowitzki Can Plow My Sister

Troy Tulowitzki stats

by Tommy Gimler

Colorado Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki is hotter than two college coeds rubbing their hump holes against each other on the hood of my old man’s Buick. I mean, it doesn’t look like a Buick, but that’s another story.

DUD MLB Preview: NL West Projected Standings

dodgers

by Frank Rhombus

The Dodgers are 1-to-3 favorites to win the NL West this year, so there’s as much value in making that bet as there is in trying to have an emotional relationship with Lindsay Lohan. The Dodgers are probably going to win the division, but it’s going to be a lot closer than most people think, with the Dbacks, Giants, and Padres all sniffing their ass at the finish line…

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