Category Archives: San Diego Padres

2016 NL West Preview

zack greinke dbacks

by Rakesh the Intern

Our apologies to Dodgers fans, bro, as we’re going to write this preview in English, my friend.

2015 NL West Preview

new padres

by Tommy Gimler

The good news for Padres fans is that they just landed baseball’s best closer in Craig Kimbrel. The bad news is that they also just landed baseball’s worst player in Melvin Upton, Jr.

The Funniest First Half Breakdown For All 30 MLB Teams

brewers walk off

by Tommy Gimler

Brewers and Athletics fans probably have permaboners, as their respective teams have been hotter than Kate Upton and Imogen Thomas bumping hump holes. Meanwhile, if the old fucks in St. Petersburg nursing homes haven’t had a chance to catch any Tampa Bay Rays games yet, they should just take a look in their diapers to see what their team has been playing like.

Is This Really The Best Protective Hat For Pitchers MLB Could Come Up With?

Alex Torres MLB Protective Hat

by Tommy Gimler

If you thought that fucking dork from The Sandlot looked ridiculous wearing his oversized trout hat, wait until you see the laugher San Diego Padres reliever Alex Torres decided to wear during last night’s game against the Dodgers.

Remembering Two Of Baseball’s Best Guys


by Adam Feuerberg

This month, we lost two of the very best the game of baseball has ever and will ever produce. Their lives could not have been any different, one a journeyman player and coach whose baseball career spanned an entire lifetime, and the other a Hall of Fame hitter, possibly the best of his generation, whose life was cut short due to illness. Regardless of how divergent their lives might have been, there is no doubt in my mind that Don Zimmer and Tony Gwynn represented everything that made baseball in the 1990s so great. In the face of home run records falling due to rampant steroid use, and contracts ballooning beyond rational market value, it took a couple of overweight guys toward the ends of their respective careers to show me that the game could still be fun.

One Hit? That’s All We Got, One Goddamn Hit?


by Tommy Gimler

Looking for something more offensive than Justin Bieber changing the lyrics of “One Less Lonely Girl” to “One Less Lonely Nigger?” Try dropping sixty bucks on watching the San Diego Padres play in person.

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