Category Archives: Arizona Diamondbacks

2016 NL West Preview

zack greinke dbacks

by Rakesh the Intern

Our apologies to Dodgers fans, bro, as we’re going to write this preview in English, my friend.

2015 NL West Preview

new padres

by Tommy Gimler

The good news for Padres fans is that they just landed baseball’s best closer in Craig Kimbrel. The bad news is that they also just landed baseball’s worst player in Melvin Upton, Jr.

The Funniest First Half Breakdown For All 30 MLB Teams

brewers walk off

by Tommy Gimler

Brewers and Athletics fans probably have permaboners, as their respective teams have been hotter than Kate Upton and Imogen Thomas bumping hump holes. Meanwhile, if the old fucks in St. Petersburg nursing homes haven’t had a chance to catch any Tampa Bay Rays games yet, they should just take a look in their diapers to see what their team has been playing like.

Unacceptable Jerseys For True Baseball Fans – Volume 2

nomo

by “Dirty” Mike Valley

So Gim goes to this Brewers-Pirates game, and he says he almost blew chunks tailgating at Miller Park because he just parties that fucking hard. But I would assume that he actually got trashed on Listerine at the airport, alone, because no one wanted to pick his mohawkin’ ass up.

The Arizona Diamondbacks Are Fucking Terrible

arizona diamondbacks blow

by Tommy Gimler

Sure, they’re just 1/9 of the way into their season, but at 4-14, the Arizona Diamondbacks are off to their worst start in franchise history, and that’s saying something since their squad in 2004 was so pig shit awful that they lost 111 games.

DUD MLB Preview: NL West Projected Standings

dodgers

by Frank Rhombus

The Dodgers are 1-to-3 favorites to win the NL West this year, so there’s as much value in making that bet as there is in trying to have an emotional relationship with Lindsay Lohan. The Dodgers are probably going to win the division, but it’s going to be a lot closer than most people think, with the Dbacks, Giants, and Padres all sniffing their ass at the finish line…

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