Category Archives: Atlanta Braves

Looks Like There’s Plenty Of Room To Dry Hump At The Braves’ New Ballpark

atlanta braves new stadium

by Tommy Gimler

The Atlanta Braves said they needed a brand new ballpark to get people to watch them lose in person, but it turns out they’re just like my 91-year-old grandfather’s large intestine: full of shit.

If You Know How To Read, This Is Probably The Funniest NL East Preview You’ll See

AP ROCKIES NATIONALS BASEBALL S BBN USA DC

by Frank Rhombus

It turns out the only thing more fucked up than how the Atlanta Braves dicked over the people and nearby businesses in Cumberland last year was Jose Fernandez behind the wheel of a boat.

Erick Aybar Misses Braves-Pirates Game After Chicken Bone Gets Stuck In Throat

erick aybar chicken bone

by Tommy Gimler

Wade Boggs once missed six games because he fell on his ribcage while trying to take off his cowboy boots. Sammy Sosa once sneezed and wound up on the disabled list because of it. Hell, Luis Polonia once missed the World Series because of rape.

The Braves Didn’t Just Fire Fredi Gonzalez For Not Being A Miracle Worker

fredi gonzalez fired

by Tommy Gimler

After trading away baseball’s best closer and defensive shortstop as well as several other players who actually knew how to play the game during the last few offseasons, we’re not sure what the Atlanta Braves front office was expecting from manager Fredi Gonzalez this year.

Give Any Upton Brother Millions Of Dollars And They’ll Give You A Dick Sandwich

justin upton strikeouts

by Tommy Gimler

The 2016 MLB season might be younger than the kid who makes my boxer briefs, but it looks as though another Upton brother is showing the world he is nothing more than an overpaid pile of dog shit.

The NL East Will Suck Big Goat Dick In 2016, Bro

sad phillies phanatic

by Rakesh the Intern

I’ll tell you something, bro. Some of these teams have bigger problems than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy fucking goat at family reunion.

Image Description