Category Archives: NL East

The Miami Marlins Might Have Been The First To Report Muhammad Ali’s Death

muhammad ali dead

by Tommy Gimler

22,269 people who witnessed the Mets defeat the Marlins 6-2 at Marlins Park Friday night might also have been the first members of the general public to receive the news that boxing legend Muhammad Ali had passed away at the age of 74.

So How Many Guys At MLB Headquarters Has Chase Utley Sucked Off?

syndergaard throws behind utley

by Frank Rhombus

New York’s Noah Syndergaard was ejected today for throwing a 99 MPH fuck you pitch behind the back of Chase Utley. No warning. No “Hey, knock it the fuck off.” No nothing. So, that begs the question, “Exactly how many knob jobs has Utley given the guys at MLB headquarters?”

Jeffrey Loria Continues To Be The Biggest Asshole Owner In All Of Sports

jeffrey loria asshole

by Tommy Gimler

Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is proof that there is no God. Or if there is, somebody needs to tell that dude to cut his vacation short because we need him.

Erick Aybar Misses Braves-Pirates Game After Chicken Bone Gets Stuck In Throat

erick aybar chicken bone

by Tommy Gimler

Wade Boggs once missed six games because he fell on his ribcage while trying to take off his cowboy boots. Sammy Sosa once sneezed and wound up on the disabled list because of it. Hell, Luis Polonia once missed the World Series because of rape.

The Braves Didn’t Just Fire Fredi Gonzalez For Not Being A Miracle Worker

fredi gonzalez fired

by Tommy Gimler

After trading away baseball’s best closer and defensive shortstop as well as several other players who actually knew how to play the game during the last few offseasons, we’re not sure what the Atlanta Braves front office was expecting from manager Fredi Gonzalez this year.

Give Any Upton Brother Millions Of Dollars And They’ll Give You A Dick Sandwich

justin upton strikeouts

by Tommy Gimler

The 2016 MLB season might be younger than the kid who makes my boxer briefs, but it looks as though another Upton brother is showing the world he is nothing more than an overpaid pile of dog shit.

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