All the NL Central posts:

The Best Team in Baseball Is…Wait, The Brewers?

Published by rhombus on April 12th, 2014

by Frank Rhombus

If you would have told me two weeks ago that the Brewers would be the owners of baseball’s best record at 9-2 on April 12th after winning eight games in a row, I would have said you’re fucking high, dad. But that’s exactly what has happened in Milwaukee thanks to an offensive attack almost as fearful as the thought of Rosie O’Donnell on bath salts and a tits pitching staff that boasts the best ERA in baseball. (more…)


Watch Billy Cub Punch A Dude In The Face With His Paw

Published by tgim on April 6th, 2014

by Tommy Gimler

If you’ve been dying to see an unofficial Chicago Cubs mascot walk into a Wrigleyville bar and then punch a guy in the face with his paw after the guy removed his oversized bear dome, you’re in luck because it happened yesterday after the Cubs were blanked by the Phillies. (more…)


Breaking News: Ryan Braun Busted For PEDs Again

Published by tgim on April 1st, 2014

by Tommy Gimler

Ryan Braun’s name has been scratched from Ron Roenicke’s lineup card for tonight’s game against the Atlanta Braves, and a source inside the Milwaukee Brewers organization told The Daily Upper Decker that Braun has also been suspended for the rest of the 2014 season after testing positive for Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), a testicular hormone usually found in high concentrations of horse semen. (more…)


DUD MLB Preview: NL Central Projected Standings

Published by tgim on March 29th, 2014

by Tommy Gimler

Quick. Without looking, name the three starting outfielders for the 2014 Chicago Cubs. Yeah, it’s that bad on the North Side. (more…)


Some Milwaukee Brewers Fans Are Apparently Growing Sick Of Hank The Dog

Published by rhombus on March 19th, 2014

by Frank Rhombus

By now you’ve heard the story, even if you aren’t a Brewers fan. The Brew Crew arrived to their spring training facility at Maryvale Baseball Park, and they found a dog who had been hit by a car or some shit. They took him to a vet, named him Hank after the great Hank Aaron (and we bet Aaron’s thrilled about that), adopted him, and took turns nursing the little fucker back to health. He was then adopted by a Wisconsin family and blah, blah, blah. Who gives a shit? It’s just a goddamn dog. (more…)


An Umpire Took A Line Drive To His Nards Yesterday

Published by tgim on March 18th, 2014

by Tommy Gimler

Try telling umpire Brad Myers that spring training doesn’t mean anything, and he’ll probably rip your fucking nuts off. Now, on the surface that might seem like a slight overreaction, but after watching this video from yesterday’s Indians-Reds Cactus League action, you should understand why he’d go ape shit if you said something like that to him. (more…)