Category Archives: AL Central

Turd Alert: Chicago White Sox Catcher Tyler Flowers Is Pure Garbage

tyler flowers

by Tommy Gimler

The Chicago White Sox are currently 44-47 and eight games behind the AL Central-leading Tigers, but let’s be honest. I have a better chance of fingering Brooklyn Decker outside a Vietnamese gas station than they have at making the postseason this year. For starters, other than Chris Sale, their pitching staff blows. But an even bigger issue is the turd responsible for catching those guys: Tyler Flowers.

The Top 5 MLB First Half Fantasy DUDs

harper thumb injury

by Tommy Gimler

Matthew Berry and Eric Karabell are huge fucking dorks at the four-letter, and they told you to draft these guys before the 2014 MLB season started. But odds are if you still have these turds on your fantasy baseball team, you’re almost as far away from winning a championship as Danica Patrick is from winning a race on American soil.

The Funniest First Half Breakdown For All 30 MLB Teams

brewers walk off

by Tommy Gimler

Brewers and Athletics fans probably have permaboners, as their respective teams have been hotter than Kate Upton and Imogen Thomas bumping hump holes. Meanwhile, if the old fucks in St. Petersburg nursing homes haven’t had a chance to catch any Tampa Bay Rays games yet, they should just take a look in their diapers to see what their team has been playing like.

Minneapolis Stripper Says Royals Pitchers Bruce Chen and Yordano Ventura Are Cheap Dickbags

stripper

by Tommy Gimler

The Kansas City Royals arrived in Minneapolis last night ahead of a three-game set against the pig shit awful Twins. But instead of staying inside their hotel rooms and using a Fleshlight LauchPAD to fuck their iPads, Bruce Chen and Yordano Ventura visited a local nudie bar and made it rain up in that bitch. And by “made it rain,” we meant that they were called out on Twitter for being “trashdick pro athletes” who dropped a combined twenty bucks.

The DUD MLB Midseason Awards: American League

Dillon Harper

by Tommy Gimler

If you had Baltimore’s Nelson Cruz tied atop the American League home run leaderboard and Houston’s Jose Altuve as the AL batting champ at the midway point, you’re a fucking liar. They’ve been a nicer surprise for their respective teams than sitting in sniffer’s row the night your best friend’s sister decides to give amateur night a whirl.

Justin Verlander Is Suddenly A Big Bag Of Dog Shit Every Time He Takes The Mound

justin verlander sucks

by Tommy Gimler

We were pretty high on former Cy Young and MVP award winner Justin Verlander before the start of the 2014 MLB season. Hell, we figured he would have some extra pop on that fastball since he was plowing Kate Upton again. But just like the jury in the O.J. Simpson trial, it looks like we were wrong.

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