Category Archives: MLB

Breaking Down Just How Pig Shit Awful Dan Uggla Really Was

dan uggla

by Tommy Gimler

Despite his Lou Ferrigno biceps and Cee-Lo Green neck, Dan Uggla was released by the Atlanta Braves yesterday, meaning Uggla is going to make almost $20 million through the end of the 2015 season for doing absolutely nothing. Then again, that pretty much sums up what he’s been doing since 2012.

Maybe This Is Also Why The Texas Rangers Suck

derek holland

by Tommy Gimler

We’ve said before that the injury bug hit the Texas Rangers harder this year than an eight-year-old Chinese kid who fucked up a pair of sneakers. But after reading what Derek Holland told a Dallas radio station yesterday, maybe there’s another reason why the Rangers’ 2014 season can be classified as pure dog shit.

Just Another Reason Why Catching A Home Run Ball Isn’t That Important

giancarlo stanton home run hand

by Tommy Gimler

Believe it or not, this guy did not just get done fingering Grimace.

Joe Nichols Sang ‘God Bless America’ Like Pure Dog Shit At The MLB All-Star Game

Joe Nichols

by Tommy Gimler

The house I’m staying at in Milwaukee tonight doesn’t have basic cable, so I decided to take in some MLB All-Star action on FOX instead of watching the local news report on another North Side murder.

So, Greg Maddux Used To Piss On Rookies In The Shower

greg maddux

by Tommy Gimler

Lost somewhere between the pictures of Prince Fielder’s fat naked ass and Venus Williams covering up her nips in ESPN The Magazine’s “Body Issue” this year was a little diddy written by David Fleming about St. Louis Rams rookie and admitted homosexual Michael Sam having to take showers in an NFL locker room. There were two big takeaways from the article. First, even straight NFL players look at each other’s cocks in the showers. It’s called meat peeping. And second, Greg Maddux used to pee on rookies in the shower. Yes, that Greg Maddux.

What If MLB All-Star Game Starters Were Based Solely On WAR?

troy-tulowitzki

by Tommy Gimler

Let’s be honest. Using sabermetrics to determine how good MLB players are these days is almost as trendy as an East Coast frat house rape, and WAR (Wins Above Replacement) is usually deemed as the most useful of said metrics. So, we’re going to temporarily transform into Brian Fucking Kennys and use WAR to see who would be starting the All-Star Game if for some stupid reason that was the only stat that was used to determine them.

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