by Tommy Gimler
Fuck smoking. The Surgeon General should release a statement warning parents about the dangers of letting their kids watch Ike Davis play baseball. The only thing preventing the New York Mets first baseman from striking out a fifth time Friday night against the Atlanta Braves was the game being suspended in the eighth inning because of rain, and that’s, well, that’s just pathetic. (more…)
by Tommy Gimler
What’s crazier than the Spanish voice of the Philadelphia Phillies being named Rickie Ricardo? How about the fact that Ricardo might have been responsible for the first ever back-to-back home runs off of Cincinnati Reds closer Aroldis Chapman on Sunday? Or how about the fact that Chapman was able to take the mound without shitting himself after inhaling 18 Cuban pastries before the game? (more…)
by Tommy Gimler
14 MLB teams currently sport a record under .500 in this young 2013 season. And nobody celebrates futility like us. Well, nobody celebrates deplorable futility quite like Taylor Swift, but after her, it’s definitely us. Anyway, since we’re in Joliet, Illinois on a slow Saturday night and we’ve been advised by others to just stay behind our locked hotel room doors, we decided to look at each shitty team and pinpoint at least one shitty stat that has contributed to the team’s shittiness. (more…)
by Tommy Gimler
We’ve established hundreds of times now that it doesn’t get any more pathetic than Taylor Swift. Not even the Goo Goo Dolls, Jonas Brothers, or Chicago Cubs could dethrone that talentless cunt. But the Miami Marlins have been so pig shit awful since April 21st that they are coming dangerously close. In fact, they have been so bad that the Miami Heat have recorded more victories over that time period even though they have played in 14 less games. (more…)
by Tommy Gimler
Sure, it’s still early in the 2013 MLB season. But just like it’s never too early in the relationship to tell your girlfriend to lose two, three, or thirty pounds, it’s not too early to label these teams as anything other than absolute fucking failures. (more…)
by Tommy Gimler
When an athlete reveals to the world that he is gay, it isn’t news. Or at least it shouldn’t be. But when a major sports publication takes the first male athlete from one of the major four sports to come out of the closet and inadvertently makes him out to be a “super gay,” well then, that’s something to talk about. (more…)
{ Yup, as long as those people aren't made of meat... } – May 22, 9:46 AM
{ Prince Fielder will down that many Cuban pastries and the person who ate them; in one sitting of course..... } – May 22, 1:41 AM { You're a silly little cunt hair, Mr. Santos... } – May 20, 6:03 PM { The Bills don't suck because they run a simple west coast offense, they suck because they draft players like E J Manuel in the first... } – May 20, 10:30 AM
{ Suck on a cheese curd, EJ is gonna dissapoint you like you dissapointed your wifes parents when you married her and light it up this... } – May 19, 10:49 PM
The DUD RSS Feed
