Category Archives: MLB

Hey, The Astros Won’t Lose 100 Games This Year

altuve carter

by Tommy Gimler

Maybe it’s because they’ve taken advantage of former Rangers manager Ron Washington concentrating more on doing lines off of an Arlington hooker than putting together the best possible makeshift lineup. Maybe it’s because their three-foot-six second baseman leads all of baseball in batting average and hits. But whatever the reason, the Houston Astros will lose less than 100 games in a season for the first time since 2010.

John Rocker’s Back, And Boy Have We Missed Him

John Rocker Survivor

by Eddie Bagelstein

With the recent news that John Rocker, the former Braves racist (still a racist, no longer a Brave one though) signed with…

Myrtle Beach Manager Slides Into Home Plate and Strips Off Jersey During The Ejection Of The Year

Joe Mikulik

by Tommy Gimler

Let’s be honest. You might best recognize Joe Mikulik from the the phrase, “Who the fuck is Joe Mikulik?”

Ryan Braun Is Just An Average Player Without PEDs, And It’s Killing The Brewers

ryan braun average player without peds

by Frank Rhombus

Since beginning the 2014 season on a 17-7 tear, the Milwaukee Brewers have basically been a .500 ball club. Losers of 13 of 25 games since the All-Star break, Milwaukee has scored just 94 runs (3.76 per game), and one of the big reasons why is that outfielder Ryan Braun has been a worthless steaming pile of pig shit.

The Cleveland Indians Got Dicked Last Night By A Ball That Was Thrown Onto The Field By A Reds Pitcher

indians reds two balls on diamond

by Tommy Gimler

Let’s be honest. If you were still watching the Indians and Reds game last night instead of tuning into Mike Trout battle Clayton Kershaw in Los Angeles, then you’re either a liar or a fucking idiot. But in the bottom of the seventh inning and the Indians getting curb stomped to the tune of 6-1, any chance the Tribe had of mounting a comeback against Johnny Cueto vanished like your fat wife’s fart in the wind when someone in the Reds bullpen threw a ball onto the diamond and confused the hell out of everybody.

Clayton Kershaw Is Must-See TV And I Can’t Fucking Watch It

Clayton Kershaw

by Frank Rhombus

That’s it! After reading that Clayton Kershaw won his tenth straight game and pitched his second consecutive complete game, I’ve fucking had enough. The guys at Time Warner and DIRECTV need to put their dicks back in their khakis, sit the fuck down, and hammer out a deal so I can finally watch the goddamn Dodgers play some baseball this summer.

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