Is This The Name Of A Belmont Stakes Horse Or An Urban Dictionary Sex Move?

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by Tommy Gimler

Or is it a super juicy one that qualifies as both?

It’s the 153rd running of the Belmont Stakes from Belmont Park in Elmont, New York later this afternoon, and one thing is for certain: none of the eight horses in this year’s field will be finding their way into a can of Purina Pro Plan or a bottle of Elmers Glue.

This year’s favorite coming in at 2-1 is Essential Quality, which sounds more like the name of brand of linens at Bed, Bath & Beyond than a prize racehorse. But that got us thinking about the crazy names attached to some of these horses over the years and the fact that many of those names sound more like a sex move you’d find surfing through Urban Dictionary while you’re bored in church than the name of a pony.

So with that in mind, let’s see how well you do at today’s pop quiz:

Is this the name of a horse that once raced in the Belmont Stakes, an Urban Dictionary sex move or both?

1. Kentucky Lawnmower

2. Back Bay Barrister

3. Mckenzie Bridge

4. American Flag

5. Idaho Spudfucker

Scroll down for the answers, kids…








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1. Uploaded to Urban Dictionary by Jeremy P. on April 8, 2003, the Kentucky Lawnmower has 790 likes and is “when a guy is getting a girl doggy style, he reaches forward and knocks her arms out from under her. Then he pushes her across the room while he is still fucking her.” Used in a sentence: “Sheila had rugburn on her face after I performed a Kentucky Lawnmower on her.”

And she likely also had a lawyer afterward…

2. Back Bay Barrister was a horse in the 1984 Belmont Stakes that finished 10th out of 11 ponies. Such a poor finish 37 years ago likely meant that it was later sent to a rich kid’s house and used for target practice or fed to the other horses back at the stable to send a message that failure such as that would not be tolerated…

3. While the Mckenzie Bridge sounds like it could be an Urban Dictionary sex move involving the use of the foreskin from an uncircumcised penis, it sadly is not an entry on our favorite website. Instead, Mckenzie Bridge was the runner-up at the 1976 Belmont Stakes and likely did not make his way into a box of frozen lasagna…

4. And boom goes the dynamite. Both, baby!

American Flag won the 1925 Belmont Stakes and probably the hearts of millions of American degenerate gamblers that year. But according to an Urban Dictionary entry from Coros on April 13, 2007, the American Flag sex move might forever change the way you view those two words, as it is “when a chick sucks your dick, however, she only sucks the head and for quite some time. this leads to a red head, a white shaft, and blue balls.” Used in a sentence: “Susan soon realized that giving an american flag to her boyfriend would result in a brutal blow to her face.”

Not sure which blow they’re referring to there, but either way, look out, Susan!

5. Surprisingly, Idaho Spudfucker is not the name of a Belmont Stakes horse. Uploaded to Urban Dictionary by C.C. and KW!!! on October 14, 2011, the Idaho Spudfucker is “when you take instant mashed potatoes and put them inside the girls vagina. You then began to to fuck without a condom and use the cum and “love juices” to turn them into mashed potatoes! Afterwards, you eat the mashed potatoes!” Used in a sentence: “That Sally girl wanted me to take her to Dinner. So I gave her the old Idaho Spudfucker instead!”

It currently has eight likes…

Wait, there’s more: Fuck You, Aaron Rodgers

You have got to see this shit:

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