The Drunkest And Highest NFL Fans Are…

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by Tommy Gimler

…shockingly not Packers fans.

The crew over at Lines.com recently went into “fuck it” mode and decided to do a study on the drunkest and highest NFL fans instead of sticking to their bread-and-butter sports betting takes. The result? It was glorious.

Although, to say we were shocked is a bigger understatement than me saying Kate Upton is attractive, as everybody knows I would eat pistachio pudding out of her poop chute, and I hate pistachios.

According to the study, an average of 3.7 alcoholic beverages are consumed while watching any sport, with that number jumping up when the sporting event is of the MMA/UFC variety. And when it comes to the NFL, 49 percent of viewers admitted to binge drinking while watching that shitty product, and that is surprisingly lower than the 53 percent who do it while watching…wait for it…Esports. Who knew that League of Legends was that fucking intense?

Another part of the study broke down every NFL fanbase to see who got the drunkest and highest on Game Day, and congratulations to all of those Dirty Bird fans out there, as not only did they lead the pack with a binge-drinking rate of 86 percent, but they also get higher than a motherfucker more than anybody else (77 percent).

New England Patriots fans found themselves at the bottom of both the binge drinking and herb intake lists, but it should probably be noted that most of them don’t consider it binge drinking unless you finish two cases of Sam Adams by the end of the game. Perhaps the same logic can be applied to Packer Backers, as you’re usually not allowed into Lambeau until you finish the entire bottle of Seagram’s.

Here’s the entire list from Lines.com:

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Shoutout to Vikings fans, who finished 31st overall on the list of highest fans. Although it’s important to note that the list is just in terms of getting high from smoking weed. I mean, we all know they would be second or third at the worst if it measured getting high on opioids…

Wait, there’s more: Some Homeless Dude Got By Security At USC And Made Others Think He Was A Football Player

You have got to see this shit:

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