You Apparently CANNOT Threaten To Behead MLB Players And Their Families When They Muck Up Your Bet


by Frank Rhombus

Jesus fuck.

Look, we all lose bets and say stupid shit – sometimes loud enough for a mom of two at Macy’s to hear (guilty) – about the team that missed 18 free throws in a game where the over missed by two points. That sucks. But jumping on social media and threatening to behead the families of MLB players because your bet didn’t come in?

God damn, son.

Well, that’s apparently what a 24-year-old California man did to several Tampa Bay Rays players after they lost a home game to the White Sox in July 2019. According to CBS News, “Parlay Patz” pleaded guilty Wednesday in Tampa federal court to transmitting threats in interstate or foreign commerce.

The article continued:

The Tampa Bay Rays lost a home baseball game in July 2019 to the Chicago White Sox. An account linked to Patz later sent threatening Instagram messages to four players for the Rays and one player for the White Sox, according to authorities. None of the players were identified by name, only initials.

“Your family will be beheaded,” said one of the messages, quoted in the criminal complaint.

The Justice Department said the messages also included the following string of text sent to one Tampa Bay Rays player:

“I will enter your home while you sleep”
“And sever your neck open”
“I will kill your entire family”
“Everyone you love will soon cease”
“I will cut up your family” and “Dismember the[m] alive.”


It’s unknown which game specifically got Patz’s panties in a bunch, but our best guess would be the one where the Rays blew a 1-0 lead in the ninth and went on to lose 2-1 in extras. That’s enough to chap even an average fan’s ass much less a guy who has four, five or six figures on the game.

The good news is that the dude is only 24, and based on who they’re releasing from prisons in California these days, he might be out of the clink in time to make a bet on this year’s Tampa Bay squad…

Wait, there’s more: Bill Walton Was On Some REALLY Good Shit Last Night

You have got to see this shit:

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