Unless Coronavirus Takes Out Kershaw, Betts, Jansen, Buehler, Bellinger And Turner, The Dodgers Will Win The NL West

clayton kershaw

by Tommy Gimler

Well, it’s official. Nobody on the Dodgers sucks.

People who actually get paid money to make MLB predictions are at it again. We’re once again going to do it for free and probably do better than those making enough money to buy one of those fancy coronavirus masks. We’ll start with the one division where if you choose anybody other than the Los Angeles Dodgers to win it, well, it might be time to ease up on the devil’s lettuce, brah.

Here’s how we see the 2020 NL West playing out…

1. Los Angeles Dodgers


The crew at Rotochamp is predicting that catcher Will Smith will be the worst everyday player for the Dodgers this year, and he’s projected to hit 25 home runs. Good luck, everybody else…

2019 record: 106-56 (1st place)

2020 DUD projection: 102-60 (1st place)

Vegas says: 101.5 wins (1st place)

Fangraphs says: 97-65 (1st place)

Sports Illustrated says: 107-55 (1st place)

2. San Diego Padres


The Friars have done an amazing job loading up their roster with some of the best young talent in the game. Fernando Tatis Jr. is a bonafide stud, and with guys like him and Tommy Pham hitting in front of Manny Machado, well, let’s just say that Machado might actually be worth his contract this year as long as he doesn’t throw his bat at an opponent, which he has done before…

2019 record: 70-92 (5th place)

2020 DUD projection: 92-70 (2nd place)

Vegas says: 82.5 wins (3rd place)

Fangraphs says: 84-78 (2nd place)

Sports Illustrated says: 80-82 (3rd place)

3. Arizona Diamondbacks


The DBacks might have the best rotation in the division, and the Marte “brothers” could really be something special this year. As long as Madison Bumgarner doesn’t go four-wheeling through the desert and bust up his throwing arm again or hump a broad with Modelovirus, this team is primed to be a force not only in the regular season but also October, November or December or whenever they decide to start the postseason…

2019 record: 85-77 (2nd place)

2020 DUD projection: 91-71 (3rd place)

Vegas says: 83.5 wins (2nd place)

Fangraphs says: 80-82 (3rd place)

Sports Illustrated says: 85-77 (2nd place)

4. Colorado Rockies


Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Colorado’s pitching staff fucking blows…

2019 record: 71-91 (4th place)

2020 DUD projection: 74-88 (4th place)

Vegas says: 74.5 wins (4th place)

Fangraphs says: 76-86 (4th place)

Sports Illustrated says: 66-96 (5th place)

5. San Francisco Giants


Quick. Name five guys on the San Francisco Giants not named Buster Posey or Brandon Belt. It’s probably the easiest way to show you how pig shit awful the Giants are going to be this year. Another way to do it would be to tell you they replaced their future HOF manager Bruce Bochy with Gabe Kapler. Good luck with that

2019 record: 77-85 (3rd place)

2020 DUD projection: 70-92 (5th place)

Vegas says: 68.5 wins (5th place)

Fangraphs says: 66-96 (5th place)

Sports Illustrated says: 68-94 (4th place)

Wait, there’s more: Doug Gottlieb Pulls A Stephen A. Smith And Tells Viewers That Kyrie Irving Makes The Celtics The 4th Best NBA Team

You have got to see this shit:

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