Reason #369 Why Setting Your Couch On Fire To Celebrate The Chiefs’ Super Bowl Win Is Pretty Damn Stupid

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by Tommy Gimler

In the words of the late Dean Wormer, “Drunk, stupid and burnt to a crisp is no way to go through life son.”

Unless you were in a coma or locked away in the clink for running onto the field and then showing your ass to millions of people around the world (see below), odds are you’re aware that the Kansas City Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers 31-20 in Super Bowl 54 Sunday night in Miami.

This year’s “Big Game” was pretty tits from start to finish, filled with ups and downs damn near from the get-go, a halftime air-hump sesh from J-Lo and Shakira, and a massive dick punch for bettors who had the over on Patrick Mahomes’ rushing yards that was a win until he decided to lose 15 yards on the final drive while running out the clock.

However, just when you thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber for failing to take those kneel-downs into consideration before placing the wager, there was this Chiefs fan celebrating his beloved team’s win to remind you that you could always be much, much, much more of a dipshit in the game of life.

The good news for that dude is that toenails aren’t as necessary for survival in this stage of evolution, so he should be just fine in a couple of weeks. It’s just that he’ll probably want to wear socks to the pool in the meantime if he’s still hoping to crush some ass afterward…

Wait, there’s more: This Is What It Would Sound Like If John Madden and Pat Summerall Were Still Calling Games

You have got to see this shit:

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