AFC And NFC Championship Games Are Perfect Games To Crush Your Bookie, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

I’m telling you, bro. These NFL games are juicy this weekend, my friend.

We go 3-1 during last Sunday’s NFL games, and that means sweet Rupee in Rakesh’s pockets. No more eating at Chipotle this year, bro. It’s Which Wich all day, every day thanks to wins like that, bro. So let’s stay hotter than two Toledo girls rubbing poons together. Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro…

AFC Championship Game

Tennessee Titans (+7)

Let me tell you something, bro. This Andy Reid likes to shit bed in championship games more than Cousin Arjun, and he once woke up with poop in bed nine days in a row. “Stop eating the fucking beans, Arjun,” his mom would say. But he would just say that they tasted too good to pass up. Any crap, bro, only way Chiefs can cover in this one is if they send goon out there to cut off one of Derrick Henry’s legs. I’ve seen it happen in local Howrah cricket matches, and let’s just say that it is effective maneuver, bro. Chiefs might win game, but Titans will cover in this one, bro…

OVER 52 Points

Check it out, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain, my friend. This Chiefs offense is more potent than Cousin Deepak, and he has something like 17 kids and he’s just 27 years old, bro. Time for the snip, bro! Both defenses are giving up touchdowns in red zone at 57 percent rate using home and road splits, and I have run simulation on my flip phone, and each team spend more time in red zone than Cousin Gokul when he meets girlie on period. Go over in this one, bro…

Travis Kelce UNDER 82.5 Receiving Yards

Look, bro. These Titans coaches are not dumb fucks. They see footage of this Travis Kelce going ape shit on Houston defense last week, and they will know that if they want chance to win game, they are going to have to make him their bitch. Expecting same kind of game from Kelce as last week would make you crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy fucking goat at family reunion. Sick shit, bro…

NFC Championship Game

San Francisco 49ers (-7.5)

Listen, bro. They timed this Aaron Rodgers and he only had half of second to throw ball before Nick Bosa and company were shitting in his mouth last time these teams played. Unless new Packers coach comes up with totally different blocking scheme, expect same shit from pig game from Packers offense and easy win for 49ers in this one, bro.

UNDER 46.5 Points

I’m telling you, bro. If there was one thing I remember Uncle Omkar telling me before he was hauled off to jail for fixing local Howrah cricket match, it was that betting public is dumber than box of shit. And with 80 percent of bettors riding the over in this one, I’ll sit back and light cigar while I wait for hooker to come over and celebrate under hitting in this one, bro…

Geronimo Allison OVER 1.5 Receptions

Check it out, bro. There is no way this 49ers defense lets Davante Adams make them his bitch like he did to Seattle this week. That means this Aaron Rodgers stud must find other receivers to throw pigskin to, and this guy seems like he could catch at least two balls. Going with a hunch on this one. After all, I didn’t even know that this Geronimo man was on NFL roster until I look at list of prop bets, bro…

Wait, there is more, bro: Sometimes Your Twitter Account Gets Hacked And People Think Aaron Hernandez Destroyed Your ‘Bootyhole’

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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