Time To Put Bookie Out Of His Misery With These College Football And Week 12 NFL Bets


by Tommy Gimler

Time to turn ship around and get back to winning Rupee, bro.

Seriously, bro. Only way to describe last weekend is pure goat shit. Here is how we are going to get back on right horse betting on the silly game of American football this weekend, bro:


Western Kentucky at Southern Miss (-3.5)

Check it out, bro. Betting public is all over this Western Kentucky team, so much so that line has moved from +5 1/2 to +4. But why, bro? Because they beat fuck out of Arkansas? That team might be most pig shit awful team in history of school. Average win for this Southern Miss team at home is double digits, so if you’re betting against them, that makes you crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy fucking goat at family reunion. Sick shit, bro…

UCLA at USC (-13)

I’m telling you, bro. This one smells fishier than my ex-girlie Akansh’s poon, and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Even Grandpa Sahir hit that shit, bro. For starter, UCLA outright won this one last year. Second, outside of absolute anus pounding from Utah last week, this UCLA team has been different team over last month or so. Not shit from pig anymore, bro. There is no reason this game should be more than touchdown spread, so when I see that it is almost two touchdowns, well, I say thugs in Vegas have their penis and balls all over this one. Take Trojan to crush Bruin in this one and enjoy crushing bookie in process, bro…

Duke at Wake Forest OVER 49.5 Points

Listen, bro. The under has hit in last four and seven of last eight Wake Forest games. Based on what these experts have been saying all year about this Wake Forest offense, there is no other way to sum up what has happened here other than pure goat shit. This Duke defense sucks turds, bro, but their offense can put up point from time to time. I say that time is now, especially when you consider than 98 percent of betting public is riding the under in this one. 98 percent, bro. Don’t be shitdick and ride the stupid betting public wave. Load and lock up on the over, and let’s tag team hooker, bro…


Seattle at Philadelphia (-1)

Look, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. Likes to eat poop, bro. For this Eagles team, this is season. Win this one, and you still have chance. Lose this one, and you might as well show up drunk for rest of games because season is over. Betting public has already moved this one 1 1/2 points while betting on Seattle and we think they are making bigger mistake than going to Smashmouth concert. Load and lock up on the Eagles, bro…

Tampa Bay at Atlanta UNDER 51.5 Points

Let me tell you something, bro. The over has hit in something like eight straight Tampa Bay games. Sooner or later, the opposite is going to happen, bro. This one remind me of Cousin Anagi in college. She would let something like 13 freshmen inside her at one time and they would just jackhammer away on her. Sick shit, bro. And she would keep doing this as if nothing bad was going to happen. Well, later that semester, her poon broke. Load and lock up on the under in this one, bro…

Dallas at New England OVER 45 Points

Check it out, bro. All week long we hear about how this Patriots offense is struggling more than Grandpa Sahir trying to make it to bathroom before shitting pants. Have we learned nothing, bro? Every time media and fans start saying that this Tom Brady is old as fuck and game is getting too fast for him, he comes out and lays massive shitburger on haters. We say wait until Sunday to make bet, as this one might fall a point or two because betting public is dumber than box of shit and will bet this one down. Take the over, bro…

2019 so far, bro: 37-32

Last week: 2-4

NCAA: 20-16

NFL: 17-16

Wait, there’s more, bro: Hells Yes! You Can Bet On Whether Philip Rivers Will Retire First Or Have His 10th Kid

You have got to see this shit:

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