Let’s Beat Down Bookie With These Can’t Miss College Football And NFL Week 11 Bets, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Time to make that holiday spending cash so fat wife can have something nice for Christmas, bro.

Check it out, bro. We go 3-3 last week, which mean it was yet another week where Rakesh did not lose Rupee, but now is the time to make sure all six of our bets on this silly game of American football cash in and make bookie super bitch. Here is what I am thinking this weekend, bro:

NCAA

Central Michigan at Ball State UNDER 60.5 Points

Listen, bro. The over has hit in five straight Central Michigan games and betting public that is dumber than box of shit has pushed total up 3 1/2 points in this one already, my friend. 83 percent of money bet on point total is on over, bro. This one remind me of Cousin Anagi in college. She would let something like 13 freshmen inside her at one time and they would just jackhammer away on her. Sick shit, bro. And she would keep doing this as if nothing bad was going to happen. Well, later that semester, her poon broke. Load and lock up on the under in this one, bro…

Kentucky at Vanderbilt OVER 42.5 Points

I’m telling you, bro. This one is another Cousin Anagi alert. Under has hit in six straight Kentucky games, and since Vanderbilt has averaged less than 9 point per game over their last five, stupid betting public is hammering under like a freshman on Anagi. Look for that poon to get busted in this one too, bro…

Memphis at Houston (+10.5)

Let me tell you something, bro. For this Houston team, this is Super Bowl. The #18 team in country is coming to your shithole of city and you need this game to remain eligible for Little Caesars GoDaddy Thrifty Bowl or whatever you call it in this country, my friend. With 90 percent of betting public backing Memphis, this one is juicier than last night’s hooker poon. She might have wrecked my couch with that shit, but taking Houston in this one should make Rakesh enough money to buy new couch and new hooker later tonight, bro…

NFL

Atlanta at Carolina OVER 49 Points

Holy shit, bro. Christmas come early this year. You’re telling me with both of these goat shit defenses out there that we’re supposed to see less than 8 touchdowns in this one? And stupid betting public is betting under? Well, if you bet under that will make you crazier than Uncle Kunal and we once caught that guy fucking a goat at family reunion. Sick shit, bro…

Arizona at San Francisco (-9.5)

Check it out, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. Likes to eat his poop, bro. And you might be forced to eat own shit next week if you put Rupee on this Cardinals team. Look, San Francisco is much better team on both sides of ball. If shit from pig receiver Kendrick Bourne doesn’t drop two balls last week, 49ers are still undefeated. I like that turds such as Steve A. Smith say Jimmy G. is weak link. That should light fire under his ass and allow for him to throw five touchdowns, bro…

Chicago at LA Rams OVER 39.5 Points

Listen, bro. All week I hear these assholes on TV talk about how pig shit awful this Trubisky and Goff are at quarterback position. Well, one of two things will happen as a result. Either both of these guys man up and throw for three touchdowns each or they throw three touchdowns each to opposing team. Either way, bro, this one is easier than my ex-girlie Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Even Grandpa Sahir hit that shit. Load and lock up on over in this one, bro…

2019 so far, bro: 35-28

Last week: 3-3

NCAA: 19-14

NFL: 16-14

Wait, there is more, bro: Has Anybody Ever Done Something Like Myles Garrett In The Other Major Sports?

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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