Hells Yes! You Can Bet On Whether Philip Rivers Will Retire First Or Have His 10th Kid


by Tommy Gimler

This might be the greatest prop bet of all time.

Will Philip Rivers, who has thrown seven interceptions over his last two games against pig shit awful defenses, retire first or will his wife have his tenth child? Yes, America, you can bet on this shit.

We reached out to our intern Rakesh, who is back in his native Howrah getting a late start celebrating what would have been Gandhi’s 150th birthday, and here’s what he had to say about it:

Check it out, bro. This Philip River is a machine, both crushing wife’s poon in the bedroom and completing pigskin pass to opposing team on football field. Sure, retire might look like popular bet given what has happened over last two weeks, bro, but everyone know that best way to get over shitty week is by humping girlie, my friend. Look, bro. This River is more potent than Cousin Deepak, and he has something like 21 kids now and he’s just c-hair over 28 years old, bro. He might be pure goat shit on football field, but he is goddamn legend in the sack. Lay the 160 Rupee to win 100 and get ready to collect by Christmas, bro…

We agree with Rakesh. With nine mouths to feed already, this dude can’t afford to retire before 2024. That’s plenty of time to slip another one past the goalie, who obviously hasn’t been reporting to work for the last 15 years…

Wait, there’s more: Jerk Parents In Newport Beach Bully Umpire So He Quits And Walks Off The Baseball Diamond

You have got to see this shit:

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