Forget The Turkey, Let’s Stuff One Up Bookie’s Ass With These College Football And NFL Week 13 Picks, Bro


by Rakesh the Intern

The day-after-Thanksgiving edible has kicked in and Rakesh is ready to win major Rupee, bro!

Seriously, bro. Last week, this silly game of American football cost me Rupee. But you can’t get them back and then some if you don’t bet more, so that’s what we will do this weekend. Here is what I am thinking, bro:


Kent State Eastern Michigan UNDER 68.5 Points

Check it out, bro. The over has hit in something like five straight Eastern Michigan games and three straight Kent State games. Sooner or later, the opposite has to happen. It remind me of Cousin Anagi in college. She would let something like 13 freshmen inside her at one time, and they would just jackhammer away on her, and she would keep letting this happen as though nothing bad was ever going to happen. Well, a little while later, her poon broke. Sad shit, bro. Load and lock up on the under in this one so you’re happy, my friend…

Toledo at Central Michigan UNDER 65 Points

Listen, bro. This one is easier than my ex-girlie Akansh and she was biggest slut in Howrah, bro. Even Grandpa Sahir and Cousin Gokul got piece of that poon, and some rumors around town say they did it together. I believe it, bro. Any crap, bro, this one is seeing over get hammered harder than Akansh in grocery store shitter, something to tune of 90 percent of betting public taking over. Don’t be dipshit and side with stupid betting public. Toledo has shit from pig backup quarterback in, and Central Michigan should just be able to run clock in second half. Betting under sucks balls, I know this, my friend. But not when it wins Rupee, bro…

Boise State at Colorado State (+14)

I’m telling you, bro. For this Colorado State team, this is goddamn Super Bowl. Final game for seniors who were dumb enough to stay here for football for four years instead of heading south to Boulder for better choice of poon. No matter what happen, this will be their last game, and they will want to go out on top and then hopefully get on top of slutty freshman. Load and lock up on Colorado State in this one, bro…

Appalachian State at Troy (+12)

Let me tell you something, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. Likes to eat poop, bro. This Troy team might seem like poop on paper, but simple matter is that if they win this one, they are eligible for Thrifty-GoDaddy-Pizza Hut Bowl or some shit. I don’t think they will actually pull of upset, but knowing that season is on the line will make them play hard til the end when they are ultimately all losers. Tough game sometimes, bro…

Wisconsin at Minnesota OVER 45 Points

Look, bro. Sometimes Christmas come early, like somebody just dropping off free goat on your doorstep. Thanks for the meat, bro! If Georgia Southern put up 32 on this shit from pig Minnesota defense, then Wisconsin should put up something like 3,000 point. By halftime, bro…

Ohio State at Michigan (+9)

Check it out, bro. This Michigan team is hotter than two girlies rubbing poons together at 50-yard-line. All morning you will hear how this ugly fuck Jim Harbaugh can’t win the big game, but bro, this is not about winning. This is about covering and winning that Rupee. Number should be more like +10 around game time, so wait to let stupid betting public bet this one other way and then pounce on it like cheap hooker with Black Friday deal for some reason, bro…

Boston College at Pittsburgh (-8.5)

Listen, bro. This one comes down to simple fact that Boston College is shit from pig team and this Pittsburgh team is better at every position. Last game for seniors at home means they will probably take off Eagles players’ helmets and take shits down all of their throats.  Seriously, bro. This one is like Cousin Gokul and I going out to disco and trying to take home girlie. They will all look at Gokul’s baby left arm and probably vomit. Then they will say, “Rakesh, you come get the poon.” Easy pickings, bro…

Wyoming at Air Force OVER 41 Points

Holy shit balls, bro! Air Force will score 41 points all by themselves before 3rd quarter is over. Go ahead and take Air Force to win or cover if you want, but sure bet in this one is the over. Betting under will make you crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy fucking goat at family reunion. Sick shit, bro…


San Francisco (+5.5) at Baltimore

Check it out, bro. Cue up that Cousin Anagi story again, my friend. This Ravens team has covered in five straight games, and if this 49ers defense can’t stop this Lamar Jackson fellow, well, then nobody can, bro…

LA Rams at Arizona OVER 47.5 Points

I’m telling you, bro. Did you see this Lamar Jackson run all over Rams defense last Sunday? Expect Cardinals quarterback to do same thing, bro. Plus, this Cardinals defense works about as well as broken condom, bro. Illegal to use in Howrah and that’s why we have millions of people living within 10 square miles, but still, broken jimmy hat stops nothing, bro…

Minnesota (+3) at Seattle

Let me tell you something, bro. This Seattle team is good team this year, but they seem to struggle with shit from pig teams at home. In fact, they have only covered one game at home this year, and that one took overtime, bro. Now imagine what happens when complete team like Minnesota comes to town. I think Vikings outright win this one, but just to be safe, take the points here, bro…

2019 so far, bro: 39-36

Last week: 2-4

NCAA: 22-17

NFL: 17-19

Wait, there is more, bro: This White Sox Pitcher Is Spending His Offseason Punching Dudes At Cockfights

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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