Time To Make Sweet Rupee On These College Football And NFL Bets, Bro


by Rakesh the Intern

2-4 is not the best way to follow up undefeated week, but it could be way worse. You could look in mirror and see Tim Tebow looking back at you, bro.

Listen, my friend. Let’s not beat inside bush or whatever you say in this country. Here is what I am thinking for this silly game of American football this weekend.


Houston at UConn (+22)

Let me tell you something, bro. If there is one thing I remember Uncle Omkar telling me before he was hauled off to Howrah prison for fixing local cricket match, it’s that you never trust betting public. He say, “Rakesh, betting public is dumber than box of goat shit! Take care of Aunt Tanvi!” Well, in this one, 86 percent of betting public is loading up on this Houston team and 93 percent of public is taking them to win game. They might win, but Cousin Gokul and his baby arm will have better shot of hooking up with girlie twice today than Houston covering. Take UConn with the 22 points, bro…

Central Michigan at Bowling Green OVER 54.5 Points

Check it out, bro. You might not even think at each of these shit from pig schools have real football teams, but they do. They do, bro. I remember watching both teams suck shit while I hit on girlies at University of Toledo, and from what I see on internet, the same hold true today. Neither of these defenses could stop square bowling ball from rolling past them, bro, and that makes picking over in this one easier than my ex-girlfirend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah, bro…

Arizona State at Utah (-14)

Listen, bro. This one is just as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. Arizona State is ranked 17th. Utah is ranked 13th. Spread should be no more than touchdown in this one, but it is two touchdowns, bro! That means something smells fishier than Akansh’s poon, and Rakesh is throwing Rupee on Utah. Good luck, bro…


Arizona +3.5 at NY Giants

Check it out, bro. This one would be that Uncle Omkar clause we talked about, as everybody and their mother is taking the Giants to cover in this one. So much so, bro, line has now moved to +3.5 for Cardinals and I think taking this one with the hook is juicier than Toledo freshman poon. Load and lock up on this Arizona team, bro…

San Francisco at Washington OVER 39.5 Points

Listen, bro. 80 percent of betting public has pushed this point total below 40, and now is time to jump on it like new hooker at whore house. I’m guessing that 49ers defense isn’t too scared of Washington offense so they went out and partied until 5 in the morning. They should be hungover as fuck and ready to give up 17 points to Washington team, and combined with the 24 that they will put up, that will be enough to bring home the Rupee, bro…

Philadelphia at Dallas UNDER 49.5 Points

I’m telling you, bro. There is so much shit talking going on in this one, I feel like I’m surrounded by Grandpa Sahir. He once accidentally ate goat shit at Christmas. Thought it was kind of Christmas cookie, bro. Anyway, hits in this game should be harder than college freshman at hooker house, and point will be tough to come by. Final score is probably more like 20-17, so load up on the under in this one, bro…

2019 so far: 21-18

Last week: 2-4

NCAA: 12-9

NFL: 9-9

Wait, there is more, bro: Troy Aikman And The TNF Crew Really Jammed One Up Broncos Fans’ Peeholes Last Night

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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