Three College Football And NFL Week 2 Picks That Will Surely Make Bookie Your Bitch, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Let me tell you something, bro. Last week sucked balls for betting on this silly game of American football.

Usually when three defense touchdowns are scored in game like the one between 49ers and Buccaneers, over hits hard like college freshman in hooker house, and it doesn’t get much harder than that, my friend. But no worries, bro. Football season is younger than girl that this R. Kelly likes to lock in closet, so we have plenty of time to win your house back.

Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro:

NCAA

Hawaii at Washington OVER 58.5

Let me tell you something, bro. It doesn’t get more shit from pig than this Washington team last week. They lost to Cal team at home this year that is hardly even real Division 1 program. Sad shit, bro. But losing this game makes over bet this week simpler than Cousin Harish and he was born with just three-quarter brain. This Eason quarterback should have no problem lighting up Hawaii defense that is one of worst in country and this Washington defense is also more overrated than Fresh Brothers pizza. Likes to give Rakesh the shits, bro…

Kansas State at Mississippi State OVER 50.5

Check it out, bro. This Kansas State team score something like 52 all by themselves last week against shit from pig team from Bowling Green. This Mississippi State defense is equivalent to Cousin Gokul and his baby left arm trying to play billiards. Can’t steady the cue, bro. In this one, my betting model show that it hits by something like midway through third quarter. Enjoy being able to buy hooker with winnings and then watch game become official with her already on your mom’s couch before last second ticks off, bro…

Stanford (+10) at UCF

Listen, bro. There was one thing that Uncle Omkar told Rakesh before he was sent to prison for fixing local Howrah cricket match, and he said betting public was dumber than box of turd or something like that. Whatever they take, you bet opposite if they all take one side. Well, as of Friday night, 80 percent of spread bet and 87 percent of money line bet had been placed on this UCF team, and that make this one easier than ex-girlie Akansh and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Even Grandpa Sahir hit that poon. Load and lock up on the Cardinal in this one, bro…

NFL

Minnesota at Green Bay (-2.5)

I’m telling you, bro. Everybody and mother are saying that this Minnesota team will come into Green Bay and make Packers their bitch. But this Davante Adams has been making Xavier Rhodes guy his bitch for years now, my friend. I also like fact that 2/3 and 3/4 of spread and money line bets are coming in on Vikings. Sure, this Dalvin Cook can run like Cousin Manoj being chased by wild elephant through streets of Howrah, but this Kirk Cousins throw ball like Cousin Gokul, and that means he is shit from pig. Packers all day, bro…

New England at Miami OVER 48.5 Points

Check it out, bro. Even Grandma Ashin knows Patriots will win this one, and she’s been dead for five years now, my friend. Sad shit, bro. We expect this New England team to put up 47 by themselves, meaning all Miami has to do is tackle old man Tom Brady in end zone for safety one time for over to hit. Every bettor is taking New England to win and cover right now, so Rakesh think best way to win money while watching everybody else lose paycheck is to take over in this one, bro…

Jacksonville at Houston OVER 43 Points

Check it out, bro. There is one thing that people are overlooking in this one, and that is fact that Jaguar backup quarterback should be red hot with offense since he played in the preseason like players are supposed to. That is all I am going with on this one, bro…

2019 so far: 4-5

Last week: 2-4

NCAA: 3-3

NFL: 1-2

Wait, there’s more, bro: A Porn Site Says They Have Bid On The Naming Rights To The Miami Heat’s Arena

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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