This Weekend Of College Football And NFL Week One Will Be Perfect Time To Crush Bookie, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

This Dolphins team is shit from pig. But do they cover, bro?

Check it out, bro. The silly game of American football is back, and that means that 15 percent of American people will be gambling on pigskin instead of making love to wife. Pretty much means those wives will settle for Rakesh dick at local Applebee’s while husband is losing kid’s college fund on stupid bets. Well, unless he take Rakesh’s advice on these locks, bro.

Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro:

NCAA

Syracuse (+1.5) at Maryland

Listen, bro. This one remind me of time Uncle Mahesh brought home girlie and immediately fell in love with her, bro. He would come in living room and say, “Rakesh, I think I will marry this one, boss!” But then he went home with her that night and saw that girlie actually had cock where poon should be. Sick shit, bro. But that cock remind me of this Maryland team. Betting public has already bet this one from +5 to -1.5 all because Maryland curb stomp team last week that can barely afford helmets for players. Don’t fall for the cock in pants trick. Load and lock up on this Syracuse team, bro…

Bowling Green at Kansas State UNDER 58

I’m telling you, bro. If there was one thing Uncle Omkar told me before he was sent away to Howrah prison for fixing local cricket match, it was that betting public should be trusted like fart after eating Taco Bell. Public in this case has bet over/under to 58 from 54.5, so that mean under should be bigger lock than Cousin Gokul and his baby arm getting no poon tonight, bro…

San Diego State at UCLA OVER 45

Let me tell you something, bro. All Rakesh keep hearing is that this San Diego State team is shit from pig. Well, if that is case then why are they only 7.5-point underdog to this UCLA team? Well, let’s just say that thugs in Vegas will make sure fix is in for this game, bro. Betting public has bet under harder than college freshman in hooker house. Started at 51 and is now 45, bro! This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. Load and lock up on the over in this one, bro…

NFL

49ers at Buccaneers OVER 50.5 Points

Check it out, bro. Name somebody on this Tampa Bay defense. Odds are you could name all of the guys my ex-girlie Akansh had poon sex with before naming one Bucs defender, and she was the biggest slut in Howrah, bro. Even Grandpa Sahir hit that shit after his fourth wife die. Sick shit, bro. Any crapper, my friend, there will be no defense for either team in this one, so odds are you will see over hit by third quarter and call up hooker in time to have her at your house to watch final seconds click off clock, bro…

Baltimore at Miami (+7)

I’m telling you, bro. Everybody and their dead grandma have taken the Ravens in this one, so much so that point spread has jumped three full point, and there is still plenty of time for it to get as high as 7.5. I keep hearing that this goat shit Dolphins team is one of the worst teams in history of game, but they do have that smart bearded fuck under center, and he was behind huge upset of Saints last year. I don’t know if they win this one, but I say Vegas thugs make sure Miami covers in this one, bro…

Rams at Panthers OVER 49.5 Points

Seriously, bro. If you are still reading this shit, then you are aware that betting with public is bigger mistake than going bareback with Akansh. Public has bet this one down two points so far, and almost 90 percent of public is riding under. Don’t be dipshit, bro. Load and lock up on the over and maybe send Christmas card to Rakesh that say thanks for the Rupee, bro…

2019 so far: 2-1

Last week: 2-1

NCAA: 2-1

NFL: 0-0

Wait, there’s more, bro: Sometimes The Bears-Packers Game Is The Best Time To Tell Everyone You’ve Never Had Your Butt Fingered

You have got to see this shit:

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