Rakesh Here To Help You Win Back Rupee And House You Lost Betting On Football This Year, Bro


by Rakesh the Intern

Son of a bitch dog, or whatever you call it in this country, bro.

Check it out, bro. This silly game of American football at professional level is pure goat shit. Seriously, my friend. This NFL is bigger joke than Cousin Nishant trying to drive Hyundai, and he is blind, bro. Only shit from pig league like NFL would say, “Hey, bro. We have best league on planet. Let’s fuck it all up by calling more holding penalty than ever before.” Sad shit, bro.

But not all is bad, my friend. The college game is still putting plenty of Rupee in Rakesh’s pocket, and that is where we will start making bookie our bitch this weekend. Here is what I am thinking, bro:


Michigan (+3.5) at Wisconsin

Let me tell you something, bro. No opponent has scored on this Bucky Badger defense so far this year. But bro, they have not been playing real teams. It is much like me beating Cousin Gokul and his baby left arm in billiards and then bragging about it. Dude can’t balance the cue, bro! And here is the thing, my friend. This Michigan team also has defense that some of you in this country would say is boob or tits or whatever, bro. Rakesh also like fact that stupid betting public is loading up Rupee on Badgers to win and cover in this one. Something tell me that Michigan not only make cover but also outright win, bro…

Kentucky at Mississippi State (-6)

I’m telling you, bro. Something in this one smell fishier than my ex-girlie Akansh’s poon, and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Even Grandpa Sahir and Cousin Gokul got piece of that poon. Rode train or something. Sick shit, bro. Why would above average Kentucky team not be favored against shit from pig Miss State team much less be six-point underdog? My guess is that thugs in Vegas know something stupid betting public does not, and this Mississippi State team win by at least touchdown. Load and lock up on these Bulldogs, bro…

UNC-Charlotte at Clemson OVER 61.5 Points

Listen, bro. This UNC-Charlotte team can score some point, but even if they don’t, this Clemson team might hit over all by themselves. Just two week ago, this Charlotte team gave up 56 or some shit to Appalachian State, bro. If that was case, Clemson might score thousand point, my friend. It remind me of Cousin Manoj showing us he could outrun elephant with only three legs. Well, later that month, Manoj got crushed by runaway elephant with all four legs. Sad shit, bro. Take the over in this one and call up hooker by third quarter when it hits, bro…


Oakland at Minnesota (-8.5)

Check it out, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. This Minnesota team is one of best in league when they play at home, so forget shit from pig performance last week at Green Bay. Plus, this Oakland Raiders team won just once on road last year, and that came agains worst team in league. Oakland has already showed Rakesh that road games will be bigger bitch than Aunt Prachi again this year, and she once threw cat into oncoming rickshaw. Sad shit, bro…

Miami (+21.5) at Dallas

Let me tell you something, bro. NFL underdog teams getting at least 20 point since 2003 are 5-0 against this spread. So that tell Rakesh that despite fact that this Miami team is pure goat shit, history is on side to make them not lose by more than three touchdown. Plus, fact that Cowboys safety and wide receiver are both out of this one makes it just like young hooker poon: juicy, bro…

Houston at LA Chargers (-3)

Listen, bro. If there was one thing Uncle Omkar told me that I still remember today it is that you should always wear protection with hooker. “Don’t take herpes chance, Rakesh,” he would always say while itching sack. But he also say to never side with betting public because they are dumber than box of shit or whatever you call it in this country. In this one, 72 percent of betting public is taking Houston to cover and 90 percent have them to win. Don’t be dipshit. Bet on Chargers in this one, bro…

2019 so far: 7-8

Last week: 3-3

NCAA: 5-4

NFL: 2-4

Wait, there’s more, bro: Bills Mafia In Effect As Infant Breaks His First Table

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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