Subpar ESPN Baseball Analyst Alex Rodriguez Is A Great Reminder To Never Have $500K Worth Of Stuff In Your Vehicle

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by Tommy Gimler

Especially in a city where the word “sidewalk” apparently also means “toilet.”

Every person who has been to San Francisco in the last three years would probably give you exact same advice if you asked them for their number one tip. That advice? You guessed it – Don’t wear your best set of Keds. Seriously, you won’t find another city in America where the lines between first and third world country living are so blurred.

Somewhere else on that list of tips? Well, apparently these days you have to remind people not to keep $500,000 worth of shit in their rental car, right Alex Rodriguez?

Check this out from the San Francisco Chronicle:

A thief smashed into baseball legend Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez’s rental vehicle Sunday night in San Francisco, making off with an estimated half-million dollars worth of jewelry and electronics, sources familiar with the investigation told The Chronicle. Rodriguez was in town broadcasting the Giants-Phillies game for ESPN and he left his car on the 400 block of Brannan Street, about three blocks from Oracle Park, sources said.

Sometime between 9 p.m. and 11 p.m., someone broke into a vehicle in that location and stole a camera, a laptop, miscellaneous jewelry and a bag, said Officer Adam Lobsinger, a San Francisco police spokesman. Lobsinger said the burglary involved a private citizen and it’s against department policy to release victim information.

The theft of $500K worth of jewelry and electronics was one thing. But it was what one police officer told some other guys what also happened in A-Rod’s rental that really makes catching these guys a “high priority”:

Speaking of sources, ours tells us that J. Lo has A-Rod so p-whipped that news like this means that he probably had whatever was left of his shriveled sack removed harshly by the “Love Don’t Cost A Thing” singer and promptly shoved down his throat the instant he walked through the door.

Remember, kids. Never leave anything valued at more than 50 bucks (much less $500K) in your vehicle when you’re parked in a shithole like San Francisco. I mean, if they’re breaking into my car for seven bucks in change and a half-dozen Frank Sinatra Christmas CDs, odds are they’re not going to think twice about ganking a half-million dollars worth of your goodies…

Wait, there’s more: Orioles Manager Brandon Hyde Finally Told Chris Davis He Blows And Davis Wasn’t Happy About It

You have got to see this shit:

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