Needing Just A Touchdown With More Than 9 Minutes Left To Play, Utah Dished Out A Giant D**k Sandwich To Over Bettors

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by Tommy Gimler

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Amidst listening to a 45-year-old pal whose rotator cuff has been fucked up for somewhere north of three years now demand that our other pal’s upcoming bachelor party feature a trip to Drai’s Nightclub because, you know, clubs are super into letting 30 dudes over 40 into their scene without having them wait in line for six hours, I had my eye on last night’s “Holy War” between Utah and BYU.

Why? You guessed it – I had a little kung pao on more than 48.5 points being scored in this one. And with Utah holding a 30-12 lead with a c-hair more than nine minutes to go in the game, expecting this one to cash in wasn’t totally out of the question. After all, the two teams had already thrown 20 up on the scoreboard in less than six minutes in the final quarter, so why wouldn’t they score seven more for good measure?

Well, here’s why.

After Utah’s Zack Moss ran for seven yards to the Utah 32, God made it abundantly clear that he had the under and sent a few bolts of lightning down from the sky to clear the stands and send the players back to their respective locker rooms. After damn near an hour delay, the two teams decided to come back out and finish the game so it would be Vegas official.

What happened next defied all probability, as the Utes held onto the ball for the remaining 9:19, and it’s even worse when you take into account that Utah quarterback Tyler Huntley ran down to the BYU 3-yard line with over two minutes to play. Instead of jamming it up BYU’s peeholes and showing everybody who’s in charge of the fucking Beehive State, Huntley took a knee several times before every player on the field slapped each other’s asses and gave the ol’ good game bullshit.

Tough beat indeed for anybody who took the over, and shoutout to the poor fucks who took Texas A&M -34 and were already lighting their victory cigars when this happened:

Wait, there’s more: Aaron Rodgers Decided To Have Fun Today And Dress Up As The Happy Gilmore Orderly

You have got to see this shit:

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