MLB Warns All Players To Stop Buying Their Boner Pills At Gas Stations

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by Tommy Gimler

I’ll be honest. Wawa makes a hell of a sandwich, but odds are if you’re looking for the safest way to still get blood lumber in bed with your wife 13 years and 62 pounds later, you’re going to want to shop elsewhere.

Yes, believe it or not, Major League Baseball had to send a memo to every club as well as the MLBPA Wednesday that warned them about the danger of purchasing their erectile dysfunction pills at gas stations. You see, kids, it appears as though at least two players who recently dicked their seasons and financial well-being with an 80-game PED suspension said that they didn’t know the boner pills they bought at Sunoco or Citgo or Phillips 69 were the reason they tested positive for a banned substance.

From Jeff Passan at the four-letter:

MLB suggested that players who “suffer from erectile dysfunction or other legitimate issues related to sexual performance … speak to a licensed physician about the various prescription medications (e.g., Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) available to treat those conditions.”

Over-the-counter sexual-enhancement pills are part of the unregulated supplement industry, which is estimated to be worth more than $30 billion a year. The Food and Drug Administration in July added 10 products to a list of more than 250 tainted sexual-enhancement supplements. Former NBA star Lamar Odom fell into a coma after a significant dose of so-called “herbal Viagra,” a sexual-enhancement pill.

“We know from experience,” the league memo said, “that a number of these sexual or male enhancement products — which are sold online, at retail stores, and on the black market, both in the United States and internationally — contain anabolic steroids and other prohibited substances.

“For this reason,” the memo continued, “we strongly urge players against taking any sexual or male enhancement product, from any source.”

Geez, maybe this is why MLB has had such a hard-on for eliminating collisions at home plate and second base. I mean, given that so many players are taking the field with this shit in their bodies, maybe it was to prevent an accidental penetration.

In all seriousness, we joked a few weeks ago that it looked like some dude taking hacks for the Mets was doing so with a stiffy. But after seeing this unbelievable memo, maybe he actually was…

Wait, there’s more: Minor League Player Arguing Balls And Strikes Walks Directly Into Pole In Dugout

You have got to see this shit:

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