Here Is How The NFC South Will Finish, Bro


by Rakesh the Intern

Will this be year Jameis Winston stops licking fingers like complete asshole, bro?

Check it out, bro. It’s once again that time of year when silly game of American football consumes our lives. No more time to hit on brother’s wife at pool. Step aside, kid who has ruined my life since day one. It is now time for daddy to lose college fund on fixed game of NFL football. Unless of course daddy takes gambling advice from Rakesh and throws Rupee down on these picks for NFC South win totals.

Good luck, bro.

1. Atlanta Falcons


Check it out, bro. This Dirk Koetter man must be so happy to work with quarterback such as Matt Ryan instead of shit from pig human being Jameis Winston. This Atlanta offense should light this bitch up or whatever you say in this country now that Koetter is back in charge of things, and that should allow head coach Quinn to really focus on what he know best in the defense. Load and lock up on Falcons over 8.5 wins and enjoy making bookie your bitch in early December, bro…

2018 record: 7-9 (t-2nd)

2019 DUD prediction: 10-6 (1st)

Vegas says: 8.5 wins (2nd)

Bleacher Report says: 11-5 (t-1st)

Sporting News says: 8-8 (t-2nd)

2. New Orleans Saints

saints clown fan

Listen, bro. There was one thing Uncle Omkar tell me before he went to prison for fixing local Howrah cricket match. He say, “Rakesh, never bet on man over 40 years old who has thrown 10 million pigskin because arm will fall off.” Might happen before Christmas with this Drew Brees. Plus, this Saints schedule is harder than Cousin Gokul in whore house. I think Saints fans will have more than just one bad call to complain about this year, as under looks like bigger lock than Uncle Rishabh crossing the 450-pound mark this year. Can’t lay off the carbs, bro…

2018 record: 13-3 (1st)

2019 DUD prediction: 9-7 (2nd)

Vegas says: 10-6 (1st)

Bleacher Report says: 11-5 (t-1st)

Sporting News says: 13-3 (1st)

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers


I’m telling you, bro. There is new coach in town, and if there is anyone who can keep this Jameis Winston from grabbing Uber driver crotch or stealing seafood, it is the Bruce Arians. Players love him, bro. Season might start out slower than guy who bags my groceries, but watch for this offense to explode in second half like college freshman at sorority mixer. This team was shit from pig a year ago, so that means schedule is also easier than my ex-girlie Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah, bro…

2018 record: 5-11 (4th)

2019 DUD prediction: 8-8 (3rd)

Vegas says: 6.5 wins (4th)

Bleacher Report says: 5-11 (4th)

Sporting News says: 3-13 (4th)

4. Carolina Panthers

hot carolina cheerleaders

Seriously, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. Offense has this one white running back who might be best in league, and while Rakesh thinks that is cute, the rest of the players around him suck on balls or whatever you say in this country. Team also has linebacker who is one concussion away from eating applesauce for the rest of life, so keep eye out for that. Just don’t keep eye out for good season, as I think giving them 7 wins this year is almost as generous as Toledo freshman girlie who gave me the poon without having to pay for it last homecoming. Great shit, bro…

2018 record: 7-9 (t-2nd)

2019 DUD prediction: 6-10 (4th)

Vegas says: 8-8 (3rd)

Bleacher Report says: 8-8 (3rd)

Sporting News says: 8-8 (t-2nd)

Wait, there’s more: Here Is How The AFC South Will Finish, Bro

You have got to see this shit:

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