Here Is How The AFC South Will Finish, Bro

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by Rakesh the Intern

Step aside, Florida Man. There’s a new sheriff in town and his name is Big Dick Nick. bro.

Check it out, bro. It’s once again that time of year when silly game of American football consumes our lives. Take a seat, hooker. Take a seat, kid who might not be mine. It is now time for daddy to lose college fund on fixed game of NFL football. Unless of course daddy takes gambling advice from Rakesh and throws Rupee down on these picks for AFC South win totals.

Good luck, bro!

1. Jacksonville Jaguars

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Listen, bro. I don’t care what thugs in Vegas are saying about this Jaguars team. Fact of matter is that the man with the biggest penis in entire league is now standing under center, and let’s just say that center should be nervous. Imagine having biggest dick on team in Philadelphia, even bigger than teammate with last name Cox. Are you going to bet against dude with biggest pecker in the game? Don’t be dipshit, bro. Bet on Big Dick Nick and this soon to be great again defense…

2018 record: 5-11 (4th)

2019 DUD prediction: 10-6 (1st)

Vegas says: 7.5 wins (t-3rd)

Bleacher Report says: 8-8 (3rd)

Sporting News says: 4-12 (4th)

2. Indianapolis Colts

colts afc finalist banner

I’m telling you, bro. This one is as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. The 2019 Colts season will come down to health of quarterback Andrew Luck, and from what I have been reading, it seems as though if opponent farts near this guy, he is going to collapse into hundred pieces. Plenty of talent on roster to make great run in postseason, but one bad tackle on quarterback could turn this promising season into one that is shit from pig, bro…

2018 record: 10-6 (2nd)

2019 DUD prediction: 9-7 (2nd)

Vegas says: 10-6 (1st)

Bleacher Report says: 10-6 (1st)

Sporting News says: 11-5 (1st)

3. Houston Texans

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Let me tell you something, bro. This Texans offensive line is a lot like Cousin Gokul in game of billiards: pure goat shit, bro. Gokul has baby left arm so balancing cue is almost as impossible as getting pussy with that disgusting thing flapping in wind. But I always root for this J.J. Watt guy to win games, bro. I also root for him to impregnate my wife. Bottom line is this, bro. Schedule for Texans in harder than college freshman in hooker house, so odds are Watt will have all of January to hump my wife, my friend…

2018 record: 11-5 (1st)

2019 DUD prediction: 8-8 (3rd)

Vegas says: 8-8 (2nd)

Bleacher Report says: 9-7 (2nd)

Sporting News says: 8-8 (2nd)

4. Tennessee Titans

loser titans fan

Check it out, bro. There are three good teams in this AFC South. Titans are not one of those teams, bro. If there was one thing I remember Uncle Omkar saying before he was hauled away to jail for fixing local cricket match, it is that you should not bet on Hawaiian players during mainland winters. Or he could have said to take care of mother, but either way, this one is easier than slut ex-girlfriend Akansh. Take the Titans under and enjoy getting clean hooker when it hits in November, my friend…

2018 record: 9-7 (3rd)

2019 DUD prediction: 7-9 (4th)

Vegas says: 7.5 wins (t-3rd)

Bleacher Report says: 7-9 (4th)

Sporting News says: 5-11 (4th)

Wait, there’s more: Here Is How AFC North Will Finish, Bro

You have got to see this shit:

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