Here Is How AFC North Will Finish, Bro


by Rakesh the Intern

Bengals might want to do everyone favor and just take year off.

Well, well, bro. Looks as though planet has spun bunch of times and it’s once again that time of year when silly game of American football consumes our lives. Take a seat, fat wife. Take a seat, underachieving child. It is now time for daddy to lose college fund on fixed game of NFL football. Unless of course daddy takes gambling advice from Rakesh and throws Rupee down on these picks for AFC North win totals.

Good luck, bro!

1. Cleveland Browns


For many Browns fans, there hasn’t been this much excitement in their lives since STD test came back negative, bro. Look for heroin overdoses in Cleveland to be at record lows on Sundays this year, as combination of Baker Mayfield, Nick Chubb and Odell Beckham will be wrecking panties and crushing bookies early and often. Browns schedule looks to be easier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah, bro. Even Cousin Gokul with his baby arm got to hit that shit. Load and lock up on Browns over, and watch this thing hit in November, my friend…

2018 record: 7-8-1 (3rd)

2019 DUD prediction: 12-4 (1st)

Vegas says: 9-7 (t-1st)

Bleacher Report says: 10-6 (1st)

Sporting News says: 11-5 (1st)

2. Pittsburgh Steelers


Don’t count out Steelers just yet, bro. Shit from pig website Bleacher Report says this team will be lucky to finish .500 and third in the division, but don’t sleep on team with this JuJu guy catching ball instead of psycho headfuck Antonio Brown, bro. Defense should be better than last year, and something tell Rakesh that there will be attitude in locker room that will catapult this quarterback raper and his teammates to better season than a year ago, my friend…

2018 record: 9-6-1 (2nd)

2019 DUD prediction: 10-6 (2nd)

Vegas says: 9-7 (t-1st)

Bleacher Report says: 8-8 (3rd)

Sporting News says: 10-6 (2nd)

3. Baltimore Ravens


Check it out, bro. There was one thing Uncle Omkar told me before he was hauled off to jail for fixing local Howrah cricket match, and that was do not put Rupee on team with quarterback who can’t throw. Meet the 2019 Ravens, bro. 1st place schedule for a team with 3rd place talent? Rakesh does not like sound of that. When best player on your team is kicker, you’ve got shit from pig team, bro…

2018 record: 10-6 (1st)

2019 DUD prediction: 6-10 (3rd)

Vegas says: 8-8 (3rd)

Bleacher Report says: 9-7 (2nd)

Sporting News says: 8-8 (3rd)

4. Cincinnati Bengals


Look, bro. Biggest surprise here is that thugs in Vegas think this team might actually win five games. And with no Pacman Jones or Vontaze Burfict this year, for first time in long time, this Bengals team might actually have fewer wins than players arrested. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. Load and lock up on the Bengals under this year, bro…

2018 record: 6-10 (4th)

2019 DUD prediction: 1-15 (4th)

Vegas says: 5.5 wins (4th)

Bleacher Report says: 6-10 (4th)

Sporting News says: 5-11 (4th)

Wait, there’s more: Subpar ESPN Baseball Analyst Alex Rodriguez Is A Great Reminder To Never Have $500K Worth Of Stuff In Your Vehicle

You have got to see this shit:

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