Dodgers Draw Five Straight Walks With Two Outs In The Ninth To Beat Diamondbacks

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by Tommy Gimler

If you see a grown man who bet his kid’s college fund on the Diamondbacks last night wallowing in a pool of his own tears today, give that poor fuck a hug.

That’s because he and anybody else who threw some cash down on Arizona got the biggest of all dick sandwiches jammed down their throats when two relievers walked five consecutive Dodgers hitters with two outs in the bottom of the ninth to lose the game.

No, seriously. Two outs and a full count on the first dude who walked.

If you’re currently thinking to yourself something along the lines of, “Holy shitballs. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something like that,” well, you would be thinking correctly. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, that’s the first time it has happened in the live-ball era.

Yeah, anytime something happens for the first time in roughly 100 years and you lose your bet as a result, the term “bad beat” definitely applies. We also would have accepted “fucking horse shit,” a phrase that I’m sure was trending in the Westgate Superbook last night…

Wait, there’s more: Crappers In Sheboygan Will Be Safe This Independence Day Since The Serial Toilet Clogger Will Be In Jail

You have got to see this shit:

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