Stay Out Of This Colombian Cyclist’s Way Or You’ll Pay

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by Tommy Gimler

You’re better off just eating hay or making things out of clay or laying by the bay.

Odds are before this weekend, you best recognized the name Miguel Angel Lopez from the line, “Who in the hell is Miguel Angel Lopez?” Well, now you’ll know him as the Colombian cyclist who slapped the everliving shit out of a disruptive fan during the Giro d’Italia on Saturday.

After crossing the finish line, Lopez apologized for his actions, deciding to blame it on his “adrenaline” instead of the horse tranquilizer he may have taken that morning.

“I’m sorry for what happened,” Lopez said. “I was full of pure adrenaline. But there needs to be more respect for the cyclists.”

The powers that be decided not to penalize Lopez for the bitch slap, and we couldn’t agree more. I mean, imagine this scenario: Luke Voit is playing first base for the Yankees. Actually, that part of the scenario is real. But now imagine some lunatic running onto the diamond and pushing Voit off of first base, so in response, Voit shoves him or tackles him down to the ground. Should he receive a fine or suspension for retaliating against some dipshit fan who ran into the action? Probably not.

Any crap, that concludes our coverage of cycling for the year, unless of course that broad who “streaked” across the pitch in the Champions League final decides to do an encore at the Tour de France.

In other sports news from this past weekend, rat farts!

Wait, there’s more: This Topless Instagram Model Can Interrupt My Shitty Golf Game Anytime

You have got to see this shit:

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Spoiler alert: According to the internet, Jeopardy great #jamesholzhauer takes a turn tonight on @jeopardy

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