Our Educated Guess Is That Dodgers Pitcher Rich Hill Is NOT A Fan Of The Shift

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by Tommy Gimler

Ugh, you goddamn nerds.

My overweight brother-in-law and I often discuss why left-handed batters don’t just bunt the ball down the third-base line every time they’re up to bat if the opposing manager is going to leave it almost as wide open as Julia Ann’s legs. Hell, if I’m managing the Orioles and I’m tasked with putting this fuckshow Chris Davis in the lineup on a regular basis, my orders for him would be this simple:

Hey, Chris. You’re the worst hitter in the history of Major League Baseball when you actually swing the bat. A small part of that – and please note the use of the word “small” – is that opponents are jamming the right side of the infield with three guys. Do us all a favor and don’t swing. Bunt. And the next time you’re up? You guessed it – fucking bunt. Some other guy who doesn’t suck ass quite like you will then hopefully bring you around to score. You’ll keep doing this until the other team goes back to playing regular baseball.

Look, somewhere along the way, the geeks won. They looked at spray charts and said, “Hey, this Mitch Moreland fuck sure hits a lot of baseballs to the right side. Maybe we should put another fielder over there since he doesn’t know how to hit the ball the other way. Mmmmm? Mmmmm?” And surprisingly, guys like this still try to beat the shift by swinging hard and grounding out to the right side of the diamond instead of just punching one to the left side or dropping a bunt down in that direction.

Well, try that shit against the great Ji-Man Choi and he’s going take that shift and jam it up your peehole. Oh, and in the process, he’s going to give old man Rich Hill a goddamn coronary:

I have yet to see or hear if a reporter asked Hill about Choi’s “base hit” after the game, or maybe somebody did, but MLB is in the middle of covering up the fact that Hill responded to the question by murdering the reporter. Either way, we feel Hill’s pain. We’re just shocked that hitters aren’t doing it more often…

Wait, there’s more: Here’s Tampa Bay’s First Base Coach Timing A Fan While He Chugs His Beer

You have got to see this shit:

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