Here’s Jon Rahm Pissing, A Jockey-Less Pony At The Preakness And A Fat Blazers Fan Chugging His Beer While Being Ejected

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by Tommy Gimler

It wasn’t exactly two chicks scissoring on top of a grand piano, but this past sports weekend was hot.

Sure, the big story from Bethpage Black was Brooks Koepka skullfucking the competition en route to his second straight PGA Championship crown, but on the exact opposite side of the spectrum, we had Jon Rahm. Not only did the Spaniard suck so much ass on Thursday and Friday that he missed the cut, but he also got caught by television cameras taking a piss against a tree behind Dustin Johnson as he readied himself for his next shot.

I mean, half the blame for us being able to see Rahm kill a tree falls on the technical director for not cutting to camera two or pretty much any other fucking camera on the course, but still, for at least two days this year, the great Jon Rahm was just like us regular pieces of shit, tearing up golf courses and pissing in nature.

While Rahm was busy not playing golf on Saturday, the sports gods ejaculated another moment of greatness upon us. This time, it came in the form of Bodexpress all hopped up on some kind of cocaine and gasoline concoction and bucking his jockey off his back at the start of 144th running of the Preakness Stakes. And to be honest, it still had one hell of a run.

Not only did this future bag of Purina make it all the way around the track and across the finish line, but he also briefly contended.

And just when you thought it couldn’t possibly get any crazier than that, there was a Blazers fan in attendance at Saturday night’s Game 3 against the visiting Warriors who could have said, “Hold my beer.” Instead, he decided to chug said beer while security guards tried their damnedest to get his fat ass out of the arena.

So what do you think? What was the greatest sports moment of the weekend? Was it the coked-up, jockey-less horse making a mad dash for the finish line? Was it the enormous Blazers fan chugging down the rest of his $24 Modelo while being ejected from the arena? Or was it professional golfer Jon Rahm whipping out his hog and literally making his mark on Bethpage Black? Answer below, you dirty hookers…

 

Wait, there’s more: Lamar Odom Wants Everyone To Know That He Wore A Fake Penis During The Olympics

You have got to see this shit:

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