Somehow, Someway, Chris Davis Blows Even More This Year

Chris Davis

by Tommy Gimler

Baltimore Orioles first baseman Chris Davis fucking blows.

Don’t give me this politically correct bullshit and say that we’re being too harsh. When it comes to playing the game of baseball, Davis is nothing short of a massive fucking turd. After going 0 for 5 in Baltimore’s 12-4 win over Oakland Monday night, Davis is now…wait for it…0 for his last 49.

Yeah, that’s a record that’s going to stand for quite a while unless Adam Dunn decides to suit up and give the game another go.

0 for 28 this season on top of an 0-for-21 pig shit awful finish to last year. That’s how Davis got to this current record-breaking road to futility. 0 for 28. 0 for his last 49. 1 for his last 69 (haha).

15 of Davis’s 28 at-bats this year have finished with the scorekeeper marking him down for a strikeout. He’s obviously struggling worse than my brother-in-law in a restaurant that only serves salad right now, but how does his manager Brandon Hyde feel about it? Yup, you guessed it – it’s “cool to see.”

“You’ve got to stay upbeat,” Hyde said. “Stay positive. He’s battling. It’s cool to see.”

Cool to see? What an asshole.

Less than a year removed from hitting just .168, Baltimore’s $161 million man is by far the worst player in the game, and that’s saying something given that Jason Heyward is still in the league. There was a Baltimore area bar last year that was giving away free shots every time Davis actually got a hit, but it’s gotten so bad this year, they could probably advertise that they’re going to give away their entire bar the next time he gets a hit, and they’d still be the owners in June. Hell at this point, you probably have a better shot going bareback with a Fells Point skank and waking up clean than witnessing Davis register a hit.

And given that Baltimore leads the country in damn near every category of STD, that’s a rather powerful statement. #Filthy…

Wait, there’s more: This Poor Auburn Gymnast May Have Suffered The Grossest Sports Injury I’ve Ever Seen

You have got to see this shit:

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