Would You Rather Have Cody Parkey As Your Kicker Or A Guy Whose Last Name Is Blewitt?

chris blewitt

by Tommy Gimler

Chris Blewitt hit 69 percent of his kicks while attending the University of Pittsburgh. Sexual.

If you didn’t hear about Chicago Bears kicker Cody Parker and his love affair with hitting the upright with his field goal attempts this past NFL season, fuck off. You’re not a real sports fan. Even my grandmother knows who he is, and she’s been dead for 14 years.

Well, Parkey was told to take a fucking hike, and the Bears held a tryout for his potential replacement at Halas Hall. Blewitt impressed the Bears enough that they totally ignored the fact that his success rate in college got worse every single year and gave him a contract.

Look, if a dude with a last name like Blewitt decided to be a football kicker and didn’t kill himself after four years of college in today’s social media age, then I’d say he’s got gonads the size of watermelons. And speaking of social media let’s take a peek at how the Twitter world responded to the news of Chicago signing Blewitt:   

Excellent.

In a related story, Blewitt might want to think about staying out of Chicago gay bars…

Wait, there’s more: The Eagles’ Lane Johnson Makes Hysterical Giant Condom Joke While Saying Goodbye To Big Dick Nick Foles

You have got to see this shit:

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