Pacman Jones Arrested AGAIN, Continues To Crush It For Your Current Athletes Getting Arrested Fantasy Team

pacman jones arrested

by Tommy Gimler

If you’re looking to get your hands on the latest Pacman Jones jersey, it’s no longer a Bengals or Broncos orange one that will suffice.

That’s because the king of all goddamn morons was arrested again this morning at an Indiana casino, so that means an orange jumpsuit with the number N637120 is the one you’ll need to update your collection. Here’s what happened this time around at…wait for it…3:10 in the fucking morning:

Jones, 35, was booked into the Dearborn County jail shortly after his 3:17 a.m. arrest at the Rising Star Casino in far southeast Indiana, according to the Indiana Gaming Commission. Gaming agents were “called to investigate a patron for possibly cheating at a table game,” according to a statement from the IGC.

“IGC responded to the table games room, and upon arrival, the patron immediately became verbally combative and disorderly with IGC enforcement agents” and casino employees, the statement continued.

Jones was playing blackjack, commission Deputy Director Jennifer Reske told NBC News, but she would not say what the former Cincinnati Bengals defensive back was doing that draw attention from casino operators. He was booked on a single count of suspicion of disorderly conduct, punishable by a maximum penalty of 180 days in jail and a $1,000 fine. Jones had originally been arrested for — in addition to disorderly conduct — public intoxication, intimidation and resisting arrest, the commission said.

Of course, if you’re either Pacman’s lawyer or the proud owner of him in your Current Athletes Getting Arrested (CAGA) fantasy league, I guess the phrase you’re looking for this afternoon is, “Cha. Fucking. Ching.” Here’s how you score his latest arrest:

Your athlete, in this case Adam “Pacman” Jones, got arrested: 1 point

Shock Value – Not shocking at all when you consider this is like the 45th time he’s been arrested, but then again, it’s quite shocking that it’s been more than a year since his last incarceration: 2 points

Arrest Time – I mean, what can you say? 3:17 a.m. inside a casino 1,929 miles away from Vegas: 2 points for it not happening between the hours of 12 and 2am.

Cheating at a table game in Vegas: minus one point for a lack of respect and major stupidity. You can do anything else in a casino except cheat the casino. Want to do a line of booger sugar off the Willy Wonka slot machine? Fine. Go ahead. Just don’t cheat the casino and you won’t get arrested, brah.

“Thug-O-Meter” (how gangster was the crime) – cheating at blackjack, public intoxication, disorderly conduct: minus one point. It sounds like something my Uncle Mike would have been arrested for last week at Ho-Chunk, and he’s a redneck pussy.

“Asshole Level” (Level 1 being Gandhi and Level 5 Jeffrey Dahmer) – At this point, there’s no debating the fact that Jones is a major asshole. I mean, why can’t you just go to bed, brah? 3:17 a.m. on a school morning? Still, it’s not like he ate somebody just after the Sbarro in the food court closed for the night = Level 3 Asshole: 3 points

Weapon(s) used – what’s left of his brain, his mouth and intimidation: 2 points for variety

You’ve gone from making it rain at a tit bar in Vegas to cheating at blackjack in an Indiana casino on a Wednesday morning: minus 1 point for being a fucking embarrassment

Total points for Pacman Jones getting arrested yet again: 7 points

The DUD Analysis

Let’s be honest. Pacman Jones is the gift that keeps on giving and not just for your CAGA fantasy team. By now, the amount of money he’s paid in fines off the field must have built at least two or three new cop shops or clinks within a 50-mile radius of Cincinnati. Very similar to our advice for Cedric Benson when we told him to get the fuck out of Austin, Jones needs to pack up all of shit when he gets released tomorrow and move somewhere far away. Like Peru, for example. That would do the trick.

But hey, in the meantime, if this dumb fuck decides that Cincy is where he wants to call home, then he – along with Joseph Randle – is a must-own in your CAGA league if you want to continue to hold onto those championship cuffs…

Wait, there’s more: Just A Friendly Reminder To The Clippers Announcers Than Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor Is Dead

You have got to see this shit:

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