Matt Kuchar Won $1.2 Million At The Mayakoba Classic And Gave His Caddie Just Five Grand


by Tommy Gimler

They might yell “Kooooosh” on the course at Matt Kuchar, but off of it, it sounds a lot more like “Cheap fuuuuuuuuuuck.”

Case in point was Kuchar’s $1.2 million win at a PGA tourney in November and the fact that he gave his fill-in caddie…wait for it…five thousand dollars.

From Total Pro Sports:

Following a win last November at Mayakoba Classic, a win in which he earned over $1.2 million for, he paid his caddie just $5,000. David Giral Ortiz was a stand-in that week for Kuchar’s regular caddie, but instead of giving him something extra for helping him out on short notice, he stiffed him with such a low payment.

Kuchar said he told Ortiz he would pay him $1,000 if he missed the cut, $2,000 if he made the cut, $3,000 if he had a top-20 and $4,000 if he had a top-10. “The extra $1,000 was, ‘Thank you — it was a great week.’ Those were the terms. He was in agreement with those terms. That’s where I struggle. I don’t know what happened. Someone must have said, `You need much more.’”

Just so you don’t have to do math on this glorious Friday morning, Kuchar gave Ortiz .41 percent of his winnings. Less than a fucking percent, people. Solid guy. To put that in perspective, let’s say you and I were in Vegas watching the Super Bowl together and you told me to put $100 on the under because you were reading something about Jared Goff sucking balls at the quarterback position. I do exactly that, and after I collect my winnings, I give you 41 cents for your efforts.

41 goddamn cents. I’d expect you to jam each one of those coins up my peehole, starting with the quarter.

Now I understand that Kuchar said they had an “agreement,” but yeah, suck a fat one. Given that the average caddie on tour makes between five and ten percent of a golfer’s winnings, $5,000 is beyond absurd here. We’re not saying he should have given the dude between 60 and 120 grand, but $12,000 – or a measly one percent – probably would have sufficed. Apparently that was too much for “Cheap fuuuuuuuuck.”

But check this out! We were beyond fortunate to get our hands on a video of Kuchar the moment the bill came at his celebratory dinner:

Wait, there’s more: Here’s Kevin McHale Calling Ref Scott Foster A Dickhead While He Thought TNT Was Still At Commercial

You have got to see this shit:

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