Greg Zuerlein Shanking That Final Field Goal In Super Bowl 53 Netted One Bettor $100K

greg zuerlein miss

by Tommy Gimler

DUD reader Brian Portz sure doesn’t care much for Greg Zuerlein today.

That’s because Portz had purchased one $20 Super Bowl square as part of a fundraiser for his kid’s baseball team, and the dude was lucky enough to come away with one that would have netted him some good cash:

Rams 6, Patriots 3

“I was like, ‘Oh my God. Those are great numbers for buying just one square,’” Portz said. “And then I’m thinking that the Rams being down two scores might kick a field goal first, and sure enough, I see the kicker run onto the field, and I’m like, ‘If he hits this, I’m going to win 400 bucks.’”

He then watched in horror as Zuerlein’s kick sailed wide left from the get-go, meaning the saddest Super Bowl in NFL history finally came to its sad end, leaving the Patriots as victors yet again, this time by the score of 13-3. It also meant that Portz’s square turned out to be just one more dick sandwich for him to chew on this NFL betting season.

“I mean, you got one job to do,” Portz said. “How hard is it? It’s like he tried kicking it 100 yards. 31 of 31 field goal kickers were at that stadium this year. Best teams in the NFL? Three of five. Unreal. Story of my year in betting.”

Well, it’s like our forefathers once said, one man’s cock burger is another man’s soufflé, and we imagine that one bettor at the South Point Hotel and Casino in Vegas needed a fresh set of drawers after watching Zuerlein trot onto the field before thankfully shanking one so far left that you would have sworn he was on the Chargers. That’s because he put 250 clams on the Rams to score just three points. The payout for that? You guessed it - 100 thousand dollars.

That’s one hell of a bet, much better than the one I placed on Jared Goff’s touchdown total to be over 2.5. Oops, Suzie…

Wait, there’s more: Bulls Broadcaster Stacey King Is Apparently A Boob Guy

You have got to see this shit:

What do you think? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Description