Can You Kick A 43-Yard Field Goal This Weekend? If So, Chicago’s Goose Island Beer Company Will Give You Free Beer For A Year

parkey

by Tommy Gimler

I mean, Tom Dempsey once kicked one 63 yards with half a fucking foot. How hard can it be?

Chicago Bears kicker Cody Parkey missed what would have been a game-winning 43-yard field goal Sunday night, and as a result, it will be the Eagles partaking in this weekend’s playoff action instead of the Bears. That didn’t sit too well with the Bears faithful, many of whom jumped on Twitter to figuratively jam whatever they had up Parkey’s peehole. And then there was this fucking clown:

Jesus, it’s only a game, Focker.

Look, it truly is a travesty in today’s day and age that millions of sports fans in this country are living lives that are so goddamn pathetic that a simple missed kick in a game of football – one that was in fact tipped by an Eagles defender in this case – would make them wish some truly awful shit upon the guy who missed it. I mean, is there really nothing else that you can turn to to cheer you up in that moment to make you realize it’s just a fucking game of football? Have you never heard of Spankbang?

Anyway, the gang at Goose Island Beer Company is kind of on that same page. Well, odds are they’re not riding the Spankbang train, but they are instead offering up something that is even more satisfying. That something? You guessed it – a year’s worth of their fine beer for free if you can make your way to their Chicago taproom this weekend and kick a 43-yard field goal through the uprights they’re currently constructing.

No, seriously:

This. Is. Awesome.

Hopefully the penalty for missing is that you’ll lose either your Twitter account or one of your testicles, whichever one is less important to you. And these days, it’s actually pretty hard to tell what the majority of lads would choose.

It’s also unknown if it’s just the first person 21 years of age or older who’ll go home with the free suds after successfully splitting the uprights or everybody who does, but if it is indeed just the first person, well, let’s just say that we’ll all still have a shot to win if Mason Crosby goes first…

Wait, there’s more: Hell Of A Start To The Week For This Hockey Coach Who Slipped On The Ice And Spilled His Coffee

You have got to see this shit:

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