Relive Every Clip Of The Miami Miracle Right Here, Including The Tecmo Bowl Version

miami miracle tecmo bowl

by Tommy Gimler

“Oh Jesus.”

If you didn’t see yesterday’s “Miami Miracle” at the end of the Dolphins’ improbable 34-33 win over the Patriots because you were either at your niece’s cult initiation others refer to as a baptism or still imprisoned because driving home hammered instead of getting a $9 Uber seemed like a logical choice Saturday night, well, here it is:

Yup, that’s about as “shit your pants awesome” as it gets when it comes to watching the action unfold on the football field. However, just listening to New England’s radio crew call the final play was equally enjoyable. Well, unless you’re a Patriots fan, of course:

“Oh Jesus” really summed it up nicely, especially when you take into account that they’re not allowed to utter things such as “You have got to be fistfucking me right now” or “Dan, I feel like I just watched my mom get diddled by Edward Scissorhands. How about you?”

As far as the home team’s radio guys, well, let’s just say that it sounded like 12 college freshman from Bumblefuck, Iowa watching two hookers do their thing at their pal’s bachelor party in Vegas:

Love the guys foreshadowing that Gronk’s tackling ability isn’t worth a shit right before it comes to fruition. And speaking of Gronk, here’s the version that shows him already thinking about which Florida porn stars are going to show up to the airport bathroom for a quick fuck sesh before he hops on the team plane back to Boston instead of coming up with a game-saving tackle of Kenyan Drake:


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I LOVE MY TEAM.. DIEHARD DOLPHINS FAN WIN LOSE OR DRAW! FinsUp #Gamewinner #MiracleinMiami

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And of course, the Tecmo Bowl version created by the winners at Total Pro Sports:

Good thing Tecmo Bowl Lawrence Taylor wasn’t waiting for Drake instead of Gronk at the 10-yard line. I mean, not only would Drake have been stopped short of the goal line, but Taylor also would have met up with his 15-year old niece at a Fort Lauderdale hotel afterward and humped her…

Wait, there’s more: The Packers Are A G***amn Train Wreck And This Bears Fan Is LOVING It

Don’t think NFL games are fixed? You have got to see this shit:  

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